So confused - abusive marriage

[Polo2014]

I am so confused and sad at the moment. I gave been with my husband 22 years, married for 11. He is 12 years older and has always been quite dominant. He has slapped me round the face and been rough with me but the violence stopped about 11 years ago.
He has a temper though and frequently loses it and I get very scared. I live on my nerves and read on eggshells around him, but we have 3 children aged 9,8 and 3 and they adore their father. I did tell him I would leave once and he threatened to have me killed.
I'm exhausted and confused about what to do, it would rip the children away from everything they know and love and I have nothing so would have to start with nothing at 43.
I don't love him anymore and I only have sex with him as I know he gets more grumpy without it. Reading this back i feel sick, what am I doing staying ??? I'm so scared but I'm more scared of being alone and penniless with 3 children.
Just need a hug really :(

Ps I went to counselling as I thought it might help, we were meant to go together but he had to pull out last minute. They told me I was in a classically abusive relationship :(

OP a friend of mine spent her formative years with her father physically, mentally and emotionally abusing her mother. They eventually split and he went on to be the same with his second wife.
My friend always swore that she would never put up with that kind of behaviour, but she is now in an abusive relationship and feels she cannot leave. Her self esteem is rock bottom and she feels she can't 'do any better'. This is learned behaviour.
As a pp said, your relationship is the model your children will follow. They will not thank you for staying with this abusive man. You and they are worth more than this.