Alone.........again.......

[Kurmaqueen]

So today is my birthday and I'm in bed nursing a hangover alone.

I suppose I saw this coming but when it actually happened it shocked me to the core and I am truly heartbroken.

My boyfriend hadn't mentioned my birthday all week which made me a little nervous. Nervous because it's his weekend with his kids and therefore not "my weekend". However in my simple little mind I thought that he just might have got something planned so that we could spend maybe lunch together.

It's my second birthday with him and last year was spent on my own too because it wasn't "my" weekend.

We have been together for 18 months now. He stays regularly at my house with my children.
We all do things together and my kids love having him here and they get on great with him and vice versa.

Problem is that I am still yet to even meet his children. Long back story .......

He didn't even tell me that I wouldn't be seeing him today. He just left my presents by the back door and texted me to say sorry!!!!

He said he was scared to tell me - I've been inundated with texts from friends yesterday asking me what I'm doing with my boyfriend for my birthday and can't face answering any of them.

I feel so stupid and heartbroken. Am I just being silly and childish????

It's the fact that he didn't tell me in advance but left it. Too late to arrange anything else to pass the day. I was so upset yesterday that I told him I'm done. I don't want to see him again. Maybe I overreacted and maybe you can all tell me what a selfish silly woman I am.......

But it's not just this birthday incident in isolation that has led me to feel so alone. It's not yet meeting his kids.......it's spending holidays without him......basically disappearing each time he is with them and he has them to stay at his house 50% of the month and half school holidays so that is quite a bit of disappearing!!!

As you have said, it is an awful lot of disappearing isn't it. Something is not right here .

She believes we were having an affair.
We were not but that belief motivates her and in her mind frees her from any blame in their breakup.

She blames me and hates me and has told me that to my face. She has told me that she will never allow me to be involved with her children at any level.

My relationship with my boyfriend is so good and solid apart from this continuing control from her.

Yes I know that he is allowing that control to continue but that is years worth of living with a control freak. He is finding it so hard to break free of those chains :-(

To clarify I have been on holiday twice with him on our own and this year we are going with my children.

I just am not part of his life with his children.

His ex knows we are together.
His kids know.
His family and friends know.

His ex just prevents me from even meeting them hence my disappearing act whenever he is with them.

Just need to get his bloody divorce done and dusted and then hopefully we can all move on.....
Slowly I know but just need that journey to start!!

So why do you think he hasn't said anything about you texting him to break up? And why would he not phone you to try and talk.

So despite everything you have said you now feel bad for sending the text. What do you really want then? Do you want to talk to him to sort it out rather than sitting in misery.

I made it clear in no uncertain terms that his time was up and that this was the end...
His brother contacted me today to say how devastated he is and how much he loves me and knows what he did regarding today was shit and hurtful and unforgivable. His brother told me that my BF knows how much he has "f**d up and doesn't know what to do now I've ended it.
God I feel such a bitch. Drinking red wine and watching The Voice on your own on your birthday makes your emotions run riot.

Why don't you ring him up after the children's bedtime, apologise for the text and that you didn't mean it?

I keep thinking about calling him but something holding me back.
Part of me hates myself for being such a selfish bitch and part of myself thinks f**k you - why did you just not get one of your family/friends to have the kids for a couple if ours and we could have hit McDonalds. Part of me really hates him for dumping my presents and just running away.

Maybe I should just get the rest of the weekend out of the way and think clearly once the emotional fog has cleared

Happy Birthday!
Echo what others have said, if you really don't want to end it, phone him later & explain, but never, ever do the drama llama act again.
Hope you can both sort this out.

Hasn't he called or texted you? On your birthday? Why has his brother been in touch? So he had time to chat to his brother but not you? I don't get it.

I still don't think it's good that he couldn't arrange one day to spend with you. But if you want to be with him then you may have to accept him just as he is and anything else is a bonus. Is this really worth breaking up for since you have said that you both totally love each other and everything else is good.

I think he needs to stand up to his ex and let his children see you. What is she threatening to do if they do see you - is ridiculous. Or are they still in a relationship together and he is leading both of you a merry dance?

You aren't being selfish and you aren't being a bitch. You had an emotional reaction to a situation and you acted on it. Now you're rethinking your actions. That's completely normal, well all do it. It doesn't make us anything but human. Let's face it, and [anger] aren't the best combination for anyone!

I think a little distance will help you decide what you want out of this whole situation. I hope you're getting a good night's sleep and that you see things more clearly in the morning.

ha! That was supposed to be . Sigh, the effect was totally spoiled. Flounces off.