First time poster. Don't know where to start as i feel a whirlwind of emotions - mainly anger of late as a coping mechanism but also quite detached too.
Been with DH for 15 years - got 2 children ages 10 & 6. Always had an up & down relaionship from the start. When we first met I adored the ground he walked on & consequently made a rod for my own back by pandering to his every need. I have grown a backbone for a while though.
Over the years, I have come to resent his misogynistic views (ie - it's always the woman's fault if their partner strays) & his screwed up approach to money (ie - women who don't work aren't contributing to relationship). I have always worked & put almost the same amount as him in joint account each month despite the fact that he earns double what I do. But no matter what I do it isn't good enough.
He also has no interest in socialising with my friends so i always see them alone. Our relationship revolves around his friends or more to the point him spending most of his time drinking with his friends while i am at home with kids.
I have also resented the fact that he seems to take great pleasure in refusing to wear his wedding ring & forming chummy friendships with other women & telling me i am jealous. I honestly don't think he is physically disloyal - just constantly looking to have his ego stroked.
I have felt so low over the years. Everyone thinks he is mr nice guy & the go to man. However, he is like jekyll & hyde around me. One minute child like & loving & the next verbally abusing me in front of the kids or his friends & saying i suck the life out of him.
I find it hard talking to him as he is so confrontational & angry & says everything is my fault. He makes me feel as though i have to accept that for our marriage to work it had to be on his terms else i am being controlling & selfish.
Had a row tonight over something petty but as usual it always escalates & goes over old unresolved ground.
I really don't know how i feel anymore. In the past i used to be devastated when we rowed but now i feel detached & won't accept that evrrything is my fault.
No idea what to do - apologies for rambling