Sexual compatibility (slightly graphic)

[newbieman1978]

Hi all,

The "masturbation" thread that is going on at mo got me thinking about the complexities of sexual compatibility. On that thread you have many different views on what is acceptable but often what a couple find mutually acceptable doesn't match up with their individual view.

It got me thinking about to some of the things I've done sexually in the first throws of a relationship which as time wore on became harder to do as it just wasn't my bag. I've found that I would say yes to things and try and enjoy things that actually I didn't really enjoy.
From talking to other blokes and to women it seems that early in a relationship most all people tend to widen their boundaries but then as time goes on narrow them which obviously sometimes ends things but often it doesn't and people come resentful as they aren't getting what they used to.

I remember a lovely girl I dated back in the day, she introduced me to anal sex, now I wasn't really bothered about to start with but had a go but as time went on I made excuses not to do it, things like her having a special anal sex toy just ended up getting on my nerves. When I finished the relationship I just thought to myself god how stupid I've been I just should have said that's not my bag and ended it before it really started.

The thing is though I sure it happens in every relationship to a greater of lesser extent. For instance with my now wife, I probably had as many blow jobs in the first 6 weeks than I've had in the last 9 years. Obviously to start with she did it because she thought it made me happy (I never asked) Luckily it doesn't really float my boat to the extent of being a deal breaker.

So really my point is if people were more open and honest about what they liked between the sheets from the start we wouldn't end up in situations where years down the line compatibility seems compromised.
That's not to say that people don't change and I think relationships evolve but you get my idea.
What we like sexually seems to come down the list when looking for qualities in a partner.

Lol at cheese analogy - hit the nail on the head

How about not piling through it all in the first throws of a relationship so it doesn't become some sort of box ticking exercise. Reading this thread it sounds like thats what many do. Keep something to explore, talk about it but don't do it straight away, try something new every so often that you have talked about, mix it up.

I used to think the whole"date night" thing was rubbish, but it works!! Time set aside for the two of you...not necessarily getting down to it, but time for closeness, being nice and kind, listening. When both parties feel loved and wanted that equates to trust. Trust in a physical relationship opens all kinds of wonderful doors. We have done things with/to each other that has never even been discussed in previous relationships and its been truly amazing to feel that bond growing and growing to the point where sex feels so much more than just sex, it forms the bond between us. There is never ever a day goes over without a reference or discussion and flirtation about sex. And not many days without it either....but that doesn't mean to say that the relationship is based on it. Its good in every respect. But then again we are both sex pests so probably just about finding the right person too!!!