I don't know if this counts as a relationship problem or not I just wanted some opinions I guess!!
I am 22 and my mum is in her mid 50s. She is a teacher in a inner city primary school and has quite a lot of responsibility in this job (subject co-ordinator, g+t co-ordinator, healthy living co-ordinator etc etc) and she has pretty much always worked full time aside from 2 years when we lived abroad when i was 16.
My mum is always stressed, at times she can barely talk about work because of her stress levels.
My grandad (her dad) was quite controlling of her mum and my mum (get that?) is very bitter about this. She can't stand any chance of anyone trying to control her, and is quite obsessive over this ie if I say mum you look sad she will shout at me and tell me off for trying to dictate how she feels.
And the older I get, the harder I find my mum to deal with. She is not cruel or nasty she is just so difficult. I get no sympathy for any problems or feelings I have when I rang her one night after I moved into my first house alone with my boyfriend to say I felt scared she told me that everyone feels scared and I am a drama queen. She belittles my feelings and just tells me I am making a fuss.
She won't tell me how she feels ever, although she will take out her anger and frustration at me all the time. The stress of her job overrides everything in her life and nothing I have ever done in comparrison can compare to the stress of her oh so hectic life. In the final year of my degree when I was working quite a hard job she told me off for saying I was tired!
When i go home and visit we sometimes have fights and these always end up in my mum in tears threatening to leave and my dad looking heartbroken These days I rarely rise to the bate and we argue less.
We are VERY similar, both stubborn, both argumentative but I worry so much abour our future relationship, especially when I have children (i know we will clash, I mentioned once I would like to try to breast feed my children and she shouted for half an hour about how I should not plan ahead because i would fail). I love her to bits and I want a better relationship because she is a lovely mum underneath it all.
I just feel so sad when I look at my dp's unfailingly supportive and proud mum who will do anything to see her son and then I see my mum who never supports me or praises me (unless its academic or financially) and who is reluctant to squeeze me into her life. This whole summer holiday she could find 3 days where she could see me and even then she has made it clear I need to be gone after that. I am 22 FFS I do actually clean and cook for my parents when I visit I certainly don't lie around stealing their beer kwim?
I make her sound like a cow and she isn't, we have lovely times together! Its just this massive fear of me controlling her that seems to have taken over our relationship. I have no desire to control my mum BTW!