You will NEVER make him see your point or understand.
Because he is either a. very, very stupid or b. very, very selfish.
I would probably go for b. with a little bit of a.
The point is that no, a selfish person whose main interest is getting you to basically serve them is NEVER going to listen to you and say, 'oh yes, you're right, I've spent our entire relationship sucking you dry, taking taking taking, and the second you actually stop being able to serve me like a bloody automatic vending machine because you're ill/just given birth, I walk away from you because you're of no use to me. How awful I am, I will change immediately.'
He doesn't want to listen to how awful he is, because he LIKES being that awful because it gets him the life he wants. Being given everything, helped with everything, never having to be put out. He doesn't want to hear you telling him that his preferred lifestyle is WRONG.
It just doesn't compute. Listen to what he's said - he interprets you actually needing support as 'going weird'. That's right. You're not even HUMAN to him. You're just some kind of vending machine. When it stops putting out, it's broken in some way.
Nothing you say will make a dent in a completely, utterly selfish pig like this. They cannot undertand because they simply lack the humanity to be able to recognise someone needing support from them. They don't do that sort of thing. They exist to take. Taking is normal life and anything else is 'you going weird'.
What to do? Well, I'd say that the outcome you are aiming for is you to be happy, yes?
How to get that?
-By talking to him? No, for all reasons above. So stop talking.
- By getting angry? Yes. Angry is good. It's the appropriate response. And it stops you doing stuff for him and thus being used and abused any more.
- By completely cutting him out of your life? Yes, if at all possible. No more 'relationship'. You want to be happy, not spending your life serving a knob. No 'friendship' - he isn't able to be a friend, ie someone who helps, supports, etc.
'I won't be having anything to do with you. Find support elsewhere after your operation. When I was ill or post-partum and needed support, you ran out on me, so I'm going to do exactly the same to you. Do I love you? No. You only take and hurt, so no. Do I care if you're ok? Not really, no - you didn't care that I was ok so I can only assume that there is no bond like that between us.'
'I don't appreciate what you've done? Clearly not. If you consider yourself to have been a perfect partner and really helpful and supportive, then I suggest you take that help and support elsewhere and find another person who can appreciate it, because clearly we simply don't see this the same way. If you are such a wonderful person, I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding someone new who is much better than me.'
'How can I abandon you when you're having an operation? Well, if you just think back to the last few months and how you felt when you did not visit your children or have any contact with your new baby, leaving me alone to do it all when I'd just given birth - think of what you were thinking in your head when you were doing that, now imagine that I feel exactly the same level of concern for you - and you should understand it all just fine.'