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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is love really like that ?? (william and mary)

24 replies

nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:21

Well is it ???????????

I was just watching it and thinking how nice it would be to be in a relationship like that, wher you really love someone so much.

Just wondering really, tell me to shut up .........

OP posts:
stupidgirl · 14/03/2004 22:28

Oh, (((hugs))) honey, how are things???

(Oh, and in answer to your q, I have no idea)

Original poster
nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:30

Not to bad. It's just that programmes like that make me feel like i'm really missing out on something special.

OP posts:
stupidgirl · 14/03/2004 22:38

I know what you mean. I'm pretty happy being on my own most of the time though.

Original poster
nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:40

I think i probably would enjoy being on my own for a while, but i hate to think i'd be that way forever, or go having bad relationship after another.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:44

Just realised what i wrote then. I am in a bad relationship now that will go on forever unless i can find the guts to end it.

I'm not sure what is worse.

God i'm rambling now......................

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 14/03/2004 22:46

It's difficult isn't it nutty

stupidgirl · 14/03/2004 22:47

You no closer to making a decision? What's holding you back?

KatieMac · 14/03/2004 22:49

Yes - but isn't it more realistic to accept your partners faults and (hope) that they accept (or even love) yours.....

Original poster
nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:52

Lots of things Stupidgirl. Mainly, that i don't think i could cope with the kids all on my own, and that my kids would hate me, would i survive on benefit......the list is endless.
The most heartless selfish reason for not asking him to leave, is that it may mean i get some housing points taken off me (i know i'm awful)

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:53

Katiemac - Ive spent years accepting his faults, it's never going to get any better, only worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 14/03/2004 22:56

Oh well i suppose i should go to bed.
One of these days i will do it..............maybe

OP posts:
stupidgirl · 14/03/2004 22:57

Nutcracker, you do have to consider all aspects, I understand that. But you seem to be aware that you're not happy and that it's not going to get better. If it's just a matter of time, surely you'd be better making the move rather than just worrying about it?

I know, it's easy for me to say, I just hate to think of anyone being so unhappy.

spacemonkey · 14/03/2004 23:11

it's so much easier said than done though. I put up with xh for 11 years but I stopped loving him when we'd only been married about 3 years. I kept thinking I could make it work somehow, then resigned myself to staying with him until the kids were grown up. I was too much of a coward to leave just because I didn't love him any more.

In the end, and I'm NOT proud of this, I had an affair and that was the catalyst that finished it. I regret that and wish I'd had the guts to leave honourably, if that makes sense.

So I totally understand how difficult and scary it is nutty, hugs to you X

Demented · 14/03/2004 23:25

Nutty, I didn't realise things were bad for you, hugs {{{{}}}}.

As far as William and Mary goes it is my favourite programme at the mo and I just cried my heart out watching it but do feel that it is a very rosy, idealistic love being shown. I am still in love with my DH and I don't remember it ever being like that.

jac34 · 15/03/2004 08:01

I'm still very much in love with DH, and he with me, but real life just isn't like that.
The only thing I would say, is that if you are in love, it makes the less rosy times easier to get through, and if you can still laugh together during those times then, it's definately a winner !!!

Original poster
nutcracker · 15/03/2004 11:34

Well i know that i definatly don't love him, and i think he knows that too. If he says 'I love you' i never reply.
I came so close to telling him in bed last night, but i opened my mouth and nothing came out.

OP posts:
BeckiF · 15/03/2004 13:24

I was married when I met my fabulous partner (well fiance now, he proposed on Valentines after 6 years together!). I had married thinking it was the best I could do, being that I am overweight etc. etc. Then I get swept off my feet by a 6 foot bodybuilder who thinks I am the best thing ever, adores me, cherishes me, looks after me and spoils me. Yes it has been hard work and we both have our faults, but I never thought that I would ever have such a wholesome, satissfying relationship. The only thing that I can't stand is thinking that eventually it will come to an end and why coudn't we of met when we were younger. For those of you suffering or in an unfulfilling relationship, even with children, I say make the break. You are worth more and deserve true fulfilment. I wish you luck.

KatieMac · 15/03/2004 22:08

Sorry Nutcracker - II was sort of refering to that just in love stage that William & Mary are at (iyswim) rather than staying with someone and being unhappy

stupidgirl · 15/03/2004 22:23

Spacemonkey, I wasn't trying to suggest that it was simple or belittle what Nutty's going through. I just think she needs to know that she;s worth more than that. She has the right to be happy, and I hate to think of her spending her life with someone who is making her unhappy.

Original poster
nutcracker · 15/03/2004 22:26

Thats o.k KM, i got the wrong end of the stick i think

BeckiF - How lovely . Am afraid to say, that if temptation came along i wouldn't resist. I have enough 'what if ' regrets already.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 15/03/2004 22:27

Stupidgirl - Don't worry i knew what you meant

OP posts:
simplesimon · 16/03/2004 15:00

this is going to sound stupid, but whenever I see a program like that, where love lasts forever, i cry a bit

smellymelly · 16/03/2004 17:36

You shouldn't be afraid of being on your own, I had 2 kids with the wrong person, got fab kids though, Spent 4 years on my own and then amazingly I got it together with my next door neighbour, we are very much in love, and are getting married this summer. Howz that for a magazine story???

You must think of your own happiness, your children will respect you for that, it's no good being with the wrong person and being sad.

I really hope you can find the strength to do what it sounds like you have already decided in your heart.

Good luck.....

Twinkie · 19/03/2004 08:48

never watched it to be honest - but I think DP and I are like that (from your posts) - I just can't beleive how lucky I am and he says the same about me!!

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