How can I make new friends?

[Hideyspidey]

NC for this, as it may out me. (also: long. Sorry!)

Not sure where to start with this, but I really want to make some new friends.

I separated from XP about a year ago. Prior to that we had many joint friends - though most of them were XP's originally. Now we've split, they've all now dropped contact to a minimum (maybe an occasional FB "like", but no more). I've tried to keep in touch (and XP & I get on well, so I don't think there's any animosity), but with no success.

I've got two friends who I'm really close to, and they really are wonderful, but they're both married with kids & busy lives, and so although I know they make an effort to see me when they can, it's rare that we manage it and I feel like it's quite onerous on them.

I suffer from mild depression & anxiety, so I find it difficult to just go out & meet people - I made myself go to the pub the other week, but then sat alone for a few hours...

I have my kids with me 50/50, but because I work, I never get to meet any of their friends parents. I'd love to have some of them over for an afternoon so I could get to know them while the kids played, but all the play dates get arranged by XP, who sees them at school all the time. Also, of course, it means that they're good friends with XP - which isn't entirely ideal...

Work is quite a solitary environment - I can go for hours without speaking to anyone, and those I do speak to are spread around the world rather than local. I get on well with the others in the office, but we wouldn't class each other as friends - even the Christmas party was cancelled for lack of interest in spending time with each other.

I do have a hobby - singing; however XP is involved quite heavily with both of the local choirs. I've sung with other groups from other towns, but the distance is always a barrier to actually making friends.

I've started going dancing again, to make myself meet people, but everyone seems to all be in couples or groups of friends, so while they're pleasant, it's clear (to me, at least) that I'm an awkward outsider.

Is there some secret to making friends? I feel very lonely, and I'd love to just be able to go out for a drink with a friend or two now and again, but I just can't seem to get to know people.

Does anyone else feel this? Have you made new friends - and if so, how?!

[indyswoofer]

One small suggestion, are your kids involved in scouting? Even if they are not, the local groups are usually crying out for volunteers. I have found that there is quite a large social aspect to scouting, meeting lots of other leaders, helpers and parents and doing something different every week if you do fancy volunteering. The leaders meetings are sometimes in the pub too!