Any regrets over leaving your dh/dw/dp????

[Nomodrama52]

I am in the process of leaving my DH, taking small dcs with me, moving house, changing schools, the whole shebang. Will be signing lease this week, but I'm getting such cold feet about it all, I'm literally lying there all night thinking what am I doing, what's going to happen to us, what if I can't cope being a single parent, what if the dcs hate me for doing this etc etc.

My biggest fear is what if in a few weeks/months, I massively regret leaving dh, what if I realise I've made a huge mistake?

Am I doing the right thing....

Has anyone had any regrets once they have left their ohs? Or was it the best thing to do and once settled, everything will fall into place?

I'm really really scared and anxious and I don't have anyone else to talk to about all this..

Any advice appreciated x

Hi. Ah I see...I'd still see a solicitor if I were you to see what you are entitled to. You can get an idea from the initial (free) consultation

my only regret is not leaving my ex sooner.

But he ground me down to think that he was the best I could do. Even on the day of leaving I kept thinking that it was all too much. But a voice in my head said 'people split up all the time, its just that today its you'.
What seems like a massive thing to you today will be a nothing the day after you have done it. Honestly, its like jumping off a cliff. You have to do it to find out you can fly.

People split up all the time, it's just that today it's you.

Wow. An identical mantra got me through that day that i finally left him. Him screaming/ laughing at the ludicrously offensive insult that i might leave HIM !

Cookiedoughkid- I wouldn't mind doing what you did, a separation might be a good thing for us to do whilst we (i) work out what we want/need from this marriage. But he's not interested. If it's over it's over.

Lizsurly- hope I feel like you too eventually, sitting there thinking how daft I was to think I would regret it..

Just to add balance, my XH left me and three years later bitterly regrets it.

Though none of us cheated, he still loved me when he left and I think he was a bit depressed at the time. Also, he has not met anyone new in three years.

Mychild- would you not have considered taking him back? Given that maybe he wasn't in the right frame of mind at the time?

I don't think I love dh anymore and I can't remember the last time I felt any affection for him... I feel totally disconnected from him and have done for some time. There's a lot of bad feeling and resentment on both parts and I don't know if we could ever get past this.

I do worry that what if a few months down the line I regret it and think I should have tried harder.

DEFINATELY see a solicitor BEFORE moving out, just because it belongs to his family does not necessarily mean you have to move, check it out first just in case.

50shades- thank you for mentioning this, another poster also advised me to do this too, but tbh it's best for me to leave. Even if I legally could stay here, the situation with him and his family would just be too awkward.

Even though it's going to be a massive struggle and headache, it's going to be me that goes with dcs not him.

Feeling really anxious the more I think about it.

My exh left me, but I'm sure if I begged he would have stayed. I have 3 kids, 5, 4 and 2.5 at the time, and I felt very guilty towards the dcs on the run up to the split thinking that it was imminent, I grieved for the life that I had hoped for and the life I had aspired to give my kids, but from the moment we actually split, I spent a couple of days in shock, but instantly started feeling happier, stronger and better! The children have thrived from the split too, being in a calmer more consistent home, their behaviour improved and they are happy. I feel a small undercurrent of worry form particularly my eldest and also from the second dc that I will leave them too, which us upsetting but I guess I have to expect some fallout caused by what they have been through. Defiantly much happier and no regrets, and the guilt towards the kids isn't as strong now either as I realise they are better with one happy parent than two stressed miserable parents

OP, I would have done anything to get him back in the first two years. In fact I cringe now when I think of all the things I did . However, by the time he came to his senses I had moved on. You can't sit around waiting and hoping forever, so I just moved on and I can't imagine ever being with him again, even though he is like my best friend now. People always say they've never seen such an amicable divorced couple.

Thanks guys for your replies, means a lot... Apologies if I didn't reply to Lizsurly, Loving and Flibberty, didn't see those posts till just now.

I love the way you describe leaving as just jumping and seeing if you can fly! Although I'm about to jump with the feeling that my parachute is not going to open up and I might fall flat on my face..!

I also love the mantra, happens all the time, just today it's me. So true. You really do feel like you are the only one in the world going through this, especially when you go out and all you see are happy families with laughing couples and happy children... And you feel so alone and damaged, like what is wrong with me, why couldn't I be happy. What could I have done different blah blah. It's horrible. I feel scared that I'm going to be on my own now for the rest of my life and I'm only in my early 30's. Not that I'd want to meet someone else right now, I'm just thinking of the rest of my life. Sorry I'm just rambling now.

Mychild- you are so lucky that you have that relationship with your ex. I'm not bothered about myself, I just want things to be amicable for the dcs sake. But I know hell will freeze over before that happens with me and him. He hates me and I'm sure is sat there with a voodoo doll of me sticking pins in my eyes. :-(