Firstly please let me apologise for this extremely long winded post and I hope you manage to stay awake: /
My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have a 10 month old son. My partner has always had anger issues but nothing quite as bad as they are now.
He owns his own company and is very ambitious. I have never really had a job that pays well. The house we live in is owned by him so he pays the mortgage however I have always paid the household bills.
He has always stated that I dont contribute to the house and that I am not a real women because I dont put any input into the look of the house which has never been true. This is an argument that he will never let drop
I went on maternity leave to have my son in April last year. We came up with an agreement that if I help with the admin for his business that he would contribute, what would be the missing part of my salary to the bills. The bills being Council tax, Electricity, Internet, Telephone (This is used for his company) Water, TV licence this was before food shopping, my car payments, mobile and my credit card. When it came to him paying me there would be an excuse like I didnt invoice correctly or small things so he wouldnt pay me. My maternity was the standard 136 per week so needless to say I got myself into a financial pickle. It took a court letter for him to actually acknowledge the o/s council tax although I had literally begged him for the money and when he did actually realise we could be in trouble he actually blamed me for burying my head in the sand.
Fast forward to the end of my maternity leave and I have come back to work, part time, albeit at the disapproval of my partner as he tells me that my job is shit and by me going back to work his company will lose money. Although my salary will never set the world alight it does cover the household bills and my sons childcare.
Prior to coming back to work our contract ended on our previous car and was time to look at something new, something suitable for a family. I had always stated that it would be more practical to look for something cheaper however my partner being the person he is, doesnt do cheap. We agreed (My stupid naivety I know) that we take the car in my name on the credit agreement however he would pay the deposit and the monthly payments. I paid the deposit on my cc and he would give it me back! So the delivery of a new expensive car arrived and to date I havent received a penny from him and my first d/d of over 350 will come out of my bank next week. This is on top of my bills and childcare and of course we have just received our extremely high council tax bill for this the next year just to make things more worrying. If I express my deep concern over the bills he just says that its my fault because I should help him get the payments in from his customers and if I wasnt such a mong we wouldnt have to worry about car payments and childcare.
This is just the financial control he has over me.
He hasnt spoken to me properly for a couple of weeks now because I didnt fill out some staff time sheets properly for him. This just escalated into a barrage of verbal abuse but this time it is worse than ever. He got so angry with me that he smashed a mirror in the bedroom thankfully my son was at nursery. He stomped around the house pulling up every little fault. I dont clean properly, the house is filthy and I am a scrubber. He loves to think that I lie in bed all day when Im not in work but I can honestly say I havent done this since before my son was born. I clean the house every day when Im off including doing all the washing and making sure there is a hot meal ready for him every night. He doesnt do any of the household chores and I can only ever recall one time when he cooked me a meal. He even tells me that Im a bad mother I do my very best for my son. Although he intermittently is hands on, he has never looked after him on his own for longer than a couple of hours and he never got up in the night with him. He went to sleep in another room because had to get up for work.
Yesterday he called me a farm animal and said that he hates me and he is sick of carrying me and wiping my ass. He said I am a moaning bitch and its my fault that he is stressed. The strange thing in when he is screaming these things at me its like he is describing himself. He even sent me a text message this morning saying that he cant take my abuse anymore!! I can honestly say I have never ever caused an argument with him once if anything I have tried to keep the peace.
I have realised that this isnt an environment that I want my son to grow up. It scares me the damage this may cause him with the constant shouting and bad atmosphere. I am under no illusion that this man can love me and it will get better. I want to leave right now but I dont even know where to begin. I have no close family near and going to stay with them is not an option but I have nowhere to go. My financial situation is so poor right now, I am stuck with a car that has no reflection on my salary and to which I am probably going to struggle to pay for. I just dont know where to turn. Is there any help out there that I can get or support? Although I dont expect to be carried and I have always paid my way in life I feel I am going to struggle immensely if I have to get my own place.
Sorry I just had to let off steam
Thank you in advance for any shared similar experiences or advice