Name changed because I'm ashamed.
Background - I'll try not to dripfeed.
Moved away to college at 18 and returned to my village where I was raised about 7 years ago with DH and DDx2 in tow [teen and 7yr old].
Had quite an unhappy child/teen hood due to my younger brother's constant battles with my Dad - he still has the odd eruption now even though he's in his early 40s.
I am incredibly jealous that my parents prefer my brother and his family despite all this.
My parent are young grandparents [60s]. They never ever offer to babysit for us, not even for birthdays, Xmas etc. When we have asked them they will agree then feign no knowledge when the date arrives. We don't ask them anymore as the stress of their reluctance was too much.
My eldest isnt having dinner with her grandparents tomorrow as my mother is babysitting so my brother can watch the match. I've not been to her parents evening for two years now as i have to look after our youngest - dh goes alone. My parents babysit so my brother and his wife can got to nursery and parents evenings [their eldest is in reception]
My parents childcare for my brother's children for a day each week. My mum said they agreed to save them money on childcare. My brother and his wife have well paid full-time jobs, they didnt mention the childcare vouchers they received, the arrangement was supposed to be until their son was at school, it's now been stretched to their daughter is at school, so another 3 years.
I am the breadwinner for our family and have never had any childcare offers. This would have been really helpful as I had terrible PND and anxiety after my youngest was born and needed support. They knew my situation and never asked what they could do to help.
When we moved here I usually spent Sunday afternoon with my parents and would bring my youngest round to their house. This time has now been taken by my brother and his children so I've now started to make excuses not to go. I work for myself so any time not working is precious and I don't want to spend it being ignored in favour of my brother and his children. I am literally ignored by the way. Invitations to stop for dinner are only extended to my brother and his family.
My parents have never eaten out with just my DH and I. Meals with my brother and his wife were routine prior to their kids arriving.
My brother recently became self employed. My parents are very excited by his business and are really involved, helping out, asking questions etc. The parts of the Sunday afternoons not spent marvelling at his kids are spent discussing his business. The only question my mother has ever asked me is "did I think my business would ever be a success?" [I have a 6 figure turnover]
Over the last year my mother has developed a mobility issue which means she'll need an op soon. She has endless discussions with me about how difficult she's finding the childcare arrangements but she doesnt want to let my brother down. More pointed remarks about how noone is going to care for her in her old age the way she has looked after various relatives.
My DH is amazing and the love of my life. He's a great Dad and always has my back. His view is that I should let it all "wash over me" and detach emotionally. He's only 5 years younger than my Mum by the way.
I've reached the point where if I could move away I would [not possible]. I want to be that sulky teen and scream "what about meeeeeeee!?"
I know I must come over as a terrible daughter but I'm at the point where I can't deal with it all anymore.
Is it too late to mend this?