DH unhappy

[behindthetimes]

My DH confessed last night that this is the worst time he has ever experienced in his life. I feel so sad about this. We are young, healthy, and have lovely young children. I know life isn't quite the way we want it (not much money, could do with moving house, some struggles in our marriage), but in general I feel fortunate and content. It's made me feel so sad that he feels this way, and like maybe it's me that's making him unhappy. I know he is not at his best as a person at the moment, I want to help him but don't know how His unhappinness affects us all.

It is grossly unfair of someone to announce they are having the worst time of their life and not say why. It is equally unfair of them to make other people's lives unpleasant just because they've decided they're unhappy. If he has problems he should either try to fix them or ask for help fixing them. You are not responsible for his happiness.... so be on your guard rather than blaming yourself. 'I've not been happy for some time' can be preparing the ground for bad news.

Make him look at why it is the worst bit. Ask him to tell you why.

If there is stuff that can be worked on, then maybe work on it. If it stuff around having young children then Suck it up cupcake!

It's really tough but he needs to talk about the what he thinks is so bad and why. Is he generally a glass half empty kind of person?

Have no intention of trying to fix it for him, and that wasn't what he was asking for, but of course I care that the person I love is unhappy. He did give some reasons, I'm being vague so I don't out myself! It's not a prelude to bad news. He loves us, and loves having young children, that's the bit of his life he likes most I think. I was thinking of sitting down and looking at really seeing how we can change the tough bits. He used to be quite a positive person but has become more negative since we married. That's why I'm questioning if I am inadvertently not helping in some way.

Does 'not helping' mean the main problems are financial and you don't think you earn enough?

I have no advice to give, but I would also become unhappy (was in long term relationship with very unhappy man for years)

All I can say is make your own life for yourself too, outside of the home and family. Be there for your dh as much as you can of course. But these things can eat you up if you are constantly with a negative person. Everyone is responsible for themselves so you can't blame yourself for his mood. Can you get on some nights put together? Or even DVD and popcorn but make it just for you?

Cogito I wasn't thinking along those lines, although it will ease the pressure a bit when I start work in a few months. He's never complained that I need to be contributing to finances.
Mrswellyboot thanks, what you've said rings very true, I think I know this on some level and need to remind myself of it sometimes.