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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationships and small children

6 replies

SophieLaSheep · 15/03/2014 19:15

Have NCd for this. DH and I have been together 16 years, and have a 5yo and a baby. We had problems getting pg with the baby, it took a long time and a mc. We love them both, but sleep has been rubbish since the baby was born, and it's me that gets up. DH and I seem to have very little left in the way of a relationship at the moment. We get on, but I can't see much else beyond that. I resent the fact that he has never really helped in the night, and that I do most of the housework, and he says I act like he's irritating me all the time. He's a great dad, loves the children, works hard to be around at home with us despite working ft. I feel like it's hard to see a future for us at the moment. Is this just the strain of having young children? Will it pass? What can we do? We just can't seem to communicate any more. I fantasise about living on my own, but I think it's just a desire for a bit of time to myself. I'm worried - is this going to get better?

OP posts:

butterflyexperience · 15/03/2014 19:17

It's the strain if small children I'm afraid.
They do change your relationship
Sometimes for the good and for the bad

Have you spoke to your dh about helping you more?

PrincessPotsie · 15/03/2014 19:19

I've hated my DH after the birth of all 3 of our children. It's completely normal as is the resentment sobi really wouldn't worry.

PrincessPotsie · 15/03/2014 19:20

so I

pictish · 15/03/2014 19:23

If he starts pitching in more, it can do yeah.

It is normal for your relationship to spread very thin when babies and toddlers are in the mix. They take a lot of looking after and it is tiring. So is having a ft job. You do what needs to be done of a day, then in the evening collapse with little left to give. Marriages can and do suffer.

However...what will set the rot in is resentment....resentment grows. If he's not taking his turn with the night wakings (assuming you are ff), then he ought to start. You can't get by on disrupted sleep all the time, if it's only you that's suffering. Share the load and all that....

I trust you have brought this up with him already....what did he say?

crispyporkbelly · 15/03/2014 19:27

Tell him to do nights on weekends and take it in turn for lie-ins too.

Dp will take ds downstairs, do breakfast on Saturday morning - I get a lie in. I will do the same on Sunday.

Also we split bath and bedtimes and take it in turns so the other can chill downstairs.

nerofiend · 15/03/2014 22:04

Babies and small children are hard work on a day to day basis and put a strain on all relationships.

I felt many times on the brink of separation during those baby years. I wouldn't give up on the marriage during those hard years but you should spell clearly to your OP what you expect from him and the relationship, whether is more involvement with the kids, or more housework done around the house.

If he doesn't listen to your requests over the years, then the relationship suffers, and you should reevaluate why you are still married to this person.

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