You can't go over it, you can't go under it, you've got to go through it...

[RolandRatsHat]

So how long does it take to get over the father of your dc?
14 months after divorce, 2/3 years after stop start separation and ex h now living thousands of miles away and being non communicado and I still have pangs that feel like I will never get over him.there are still feelings and hurt on both sides but it was toxic.
I also have a lovely male friend who we spend quite a lot of time with, he has made it clear that hopes we have a future. But I don't fancy him. Am I being shallow ? I was really attracted to my ex.

It's fine not to fancy him. You are not shallow. We really don't choose who we fall in love with or why.

It sounds like you have never resolved the separation from your ex. Do you tend to remember the good bits rather than the toxic?
Or was there co-dependency?
Have you had counselling about it? It may help you move on.

Or start meeting new people.

Counselling is a good idea. I had counselling when I split with my exH in 2008 and have just begun further counselling after my split with exP. It helps, it's not easy and can be very upsetting but it makes you think.

I don't want to make the same mistakes again!