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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HELP! am i going mad!

8 replies

unhappy1 · 14/08/2006 20:38

Please help, my life is quite hectic and complicated but i wont go into all! briefly im married to d have been for 4 1/2 years. i have two kids from previous rel. 1 with. before we first met i wasnt very sexual, but for the first 6 months we had our honeymoon period, weve all had them, right. well for four years we have argued on and off about sex. he has a very high drive and i have very low mainly because i have 3 kids and i have M.E. I would like to talk to people more about this as its only the small part of our problems. i feel very intimidated by him and i need to find out if this is mental abuse i am experiencing.

OP posts:
Panboy · 14/08/2006 23:45

Hi you. Just seen your message - I am a male, and do know that the sex-drive bit for him is NOT a given - it's a choice we men make...if you are feeling abused, then you will be being - there is no water-mark to show it either way...you do speak of other difficulties, which may be too lengthy to go into in posts, but I am sure they are just as real as the 'named' one...hang on here a wee bit longer and I know a female netter will be along with whom you may feel more easy with...

Quootiepie · 14/08/2006 23:51

im not sure ifs its abuse... from your post. Does he pressure you to have sex? make you feel guilty for not having sex?

emzickle · 15/08/2006 04:11

i suffer from M.E. too - have done ever since college, and when I met my partner he never understood and if i ever mentioned being diagnosed with it, he retorts and calls it "sick lame and lazy desease" or just poo poo's that i actualy feel like i cant move, just says i should do more exercise, since being PG it hasnt got much better, but I think I have found myself dealing with it better. If you want to chat - I'm here and I sort of understand x

Original poster
unhappy1 · 17/08/2006 10:57

sorry folks i havent posted in the last few days but its realy hard as he is always around. i dont get any privacy. yes i do feel pressured as he always argues the next day if we havent, or when i do make an effort he always finds something. i feel that no matter what i do is never good enough. also he ocationaly decides to go out at night at short notice, an theres always some weird excuse or something always happens. i dont think its an affair as its not regular, sometimes its 2-3 months between. but he does hide his fone when he goes out for a few days after and clears the call register. sorry have to go as he is due back soon, but will keep an eye on posts and be back as soon as i can.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 17/08/2006 11:01

So you check his phone then? You are clearly worried he is seeing someone else.

I dont know what to suggest. Its really difficult. He shouldnt be making you feel guilty, or pressuring you, however, he doesnt decide how strong his libido is, and to a certain extent, I think that there has to be a middle ground. What have you tried to try and increase yours?

CountTo10 · 17/08/2006 11:17

I have to say that I don't have half the issues you have, I only have the one lo and work part time but I have found my sex drive has dropped massively since having a lo which doesn't sit well with my other half and we have many a row over me preferring to fall asleep within seconds to a 'quickie' as he calls it!! I think you're man should be more understanding of your situation and appreciate how you feel both physically and mentally. There should be more to a relationship than just the physical. Does he show you any affection other than sexually?

Original poster
unhappy1 · 18/08/2006 11:45

i only check his phone as he acts odd, and when he goes out he hides the phone for days! yes i do make an effort and increase it but it never seems good enough! havent done this or not touched him as much as he has me. i really cant see him having an affair as he is never regular goig out, and he hasnt been anywhere to meet anyone. he does try to be affectionate at times but it always includes some hint! when i do talk to him all i get is him him him. his needs, his libido ad me not understanding him!

OP posts:
Original poster
unhappy1 · 18/08/2006 16:06

my dh has just kicked off as ive not done much housework! had enough, dh really p me off.........this is another one of our little probs, he doesnt work at the mo and he says he does everything! hey i do have ME, and hey how important is housework anyway! what about life, mines so boring, mabye if we done more other things i might be happier doing some house work.

OP posts:
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