Anyone else go off their DH/DP as part of PMT each month?

[littletent]

I've noticed that I seem to go off DP every month, for the week before my period, as though it's part of PMT.

I get moodier, more irritable, sore boobs, cramps, a bit edgy/paranoid, etc, before my period - nothing unusual about that I don't think. But I'm beginning to wonder if actually feeling a bit sometimes quite a lot hostile towards your partner is normal too, or if it's just me.

We have our stresses and strains like everyone, but most of the time seem to potter along pretty contentedly - and then predictably, a week before I'm due on, he can't do anything right, I'm questioning our relationship, we argue, I don't want him in the same bed ... God, I feel awful just writing that. But it is how I seem to feel most months; for a week or so, our relationship feels like Hard Work. It's like I see it through totally different eyes, and wonder if I should even be with him.

And then usually within a day or so of coming on, I feel OK about him again.

Can hormones really influence perception this much? And if so, why would our hormones have us go off our mates and destabilise our families every month?! Maybe it's just me.

I feel guilty about my behaviour towards DP. I feel confused by my changing feelings most months and about how much my perception must be out versus how much DP is genuinely being irritating/unreasonable/whatever. And I wonder if anyone else can relate to this, and if there's anything we can do about it. (I bloody hope so, otherwise what will the hormonal upheaval of menopause be like for poor DP?!)

Any thoughts? Thanks.

I think it's called PMDD. Some info on google. Plus an article by a woman in the DM describing how it affected her and her relationship etc

Definitely. DH now asks if he should be worried or if it's just PMT. I think he's pretty fab the rest of the month, but those few days leading up to it - not so much.

I may be a slave to my bio chemistry but my point remains valid. If you're not losing your rag with your friends / mother / boss / kids etc then you can and should control it

But how? Our whole make up is determined by factors we cannot 'control'. I can no more control my gland releasing hormones which effect my mood as I can control the tide.

It is not possible. You come across as sanctimonious when you are no better than anyone suffering hormonal imbalances

Thank you all so much for posting. I'm sorry many of you are feeling this way too ... and a bit relieved to know I'm not alone.

Dahlen and Beachcomber, interesting points. I just assumed the PMT was distorting my perception, when maybe I'm seeing things clearly before I'm due on and am deluded most of the rest of the time!

Today, four or five days before being due on, the atmosphere feels really fragile between DP and I. I don't like how he's talking to me - it doesn't feel considerate and respectful enough, and I feel he's patronising me when we're doing chores or whatever together. It's like a red rag to a bull!

And lots of little things (it's always the little things) have got right on my tits this past week: him not turning off his phone/work PDA at night and them beeping and waking us all up in the morning; him leaving screwed-up wet flannels on the side of the bath when I've said not to because they can't dry out and go smelly; him double-booking when I'd arranged a delivery especially for when he was due to be here - I then had to arrange with work to be home myself; him asking when the kids are on school holidays/when we're doing this or that/missing appointments when I've set up family calendars on Google to make it easy for us to keep on top of everything, plus he gets school emails just like I do; him teaching DS to respond to a school bully with a rude gesture rather than by outwitting him, etc. All this stuff irritates the absolute crap out of me, because I feel that on top of our kids, there's another person in the household I need to look after and it's such a turn-off. I work too; I'm not around any more than he is to organise family life and we need to be in it together.

All these things are annoying, PMT or not, but somehow they don't seem to to be issues to the same extent the rest of the month. And of course I'm nowhere near perfect - no one is - and we all have to take a certain amount of rough with the smooth with our partners. And right now, DP's outside with my DS doing gardening together and teaching him new skills, which is great. He brought me tea in bed yesterday morning and had cleared the kitchen before I got up, as we're really busy at the moment (planning a build project) and neither of us had managed it the night before.

I can't work out how much I'm being an irritable, nit-picky arse, and how much he needs to up his game and be less of a man-child needing looking after and more of a grown-up and equal in our relationship.

Mygoldfishrocks, I take your point to a degree, but I do feel in control of the other symptoms - irritability, etc. I take magnesium for the second half of my cycle to try to help, which I think it does a bit. I'm aware that people generally piss me off more this time of the month, but I'm not choosing to be with them, am I? I can walk away/ignore/stick my headphones on at work and get my head down. It's more significant if your chosen partner is getting on your wick, I think. And maybe it's a case of hurting the ones you love too? I don't know. But yes, of course, we should do everything we reasonably can to keep our outbursts and unreasonableness in check. That said, I think Dahlen and Beachcomber make an interesting point; maybe PMT brings relationship issues into focus. It would make sense, because hormones and attraction are intricately linked.

Anyway, I need to cook dinner! Thank you all for your posts again, and indulging my rant.

Try my PMS recipe, honed after years of ! It really does work, if you follow the rules:

1. Evening primrose all month round at least 1000mg
2. Magnesium all month round
3. B6 all month round
4. After ovulation lay right off refined carbs and sugar. It's the last thing you feel like doing, but spikes and troughs in blood sugar are lethal with PMS
5. No alcohol after day 20 of your cycle (assuming a 28 day cycle)
6. Sex. Orgasms help-no honest, they do!

Also, I dont know why, but I find my PMS days actually make me more creative and productive at work so I try to harness that and channel any rage into something creative-at the moment it will be my garden, which is great because that is also using physical energy, and is outside which helps enormously.

years of misery should have said!

I have just gone back on the pill after a few years off and am due on next week. I have been horrendous this week - paranoid, anxious, depressed, angry, exhausted in turn. I've veered between wanting DH out of my sight to constantly by my side, I don't know what I want but he is bearing the brunt of it and it's not fair.

I think if I'm going to be like this every month I may as well resign myself to a child a year until he divorces me because I can't continue!

upping exrecise seriously helps because it gets rid if the agression/rage you may feel. PMT also does charge you with energy, as the other side of the coin, so as IfNotNow says, try to channel into a project (but preferably not involving people).

hairy - it's just not possible for you to control your rage Against your partner every month?

hope your other half never trots out the same excuse

DP calls it 'Witch Week'.

I have had the thought that the things that annoy me are valid though. I'm just less likely to grin and bear it.

It can be quite handy. Gets things out in the open.

I used to be like you op and have tried many things to sort it out.
I still get pmt but it's much less since I started taking Pyridoxine (vitb6).

I feel similar, though I try to prepare him before hand and try my best to not have a go at him. I have less patience with my DD to, so it's not just him. I tend to feel sad and grumpy

Magnesium, Calcium & Vit B complex - esp 6.

I've just started taking angus catus (not sure thats spelt right and can't be bothered to move to check!) I get horrendous pmt with both physical and mental symptoms and it seems to be getting worse with age

I become overly sensitive and fragile the week before, but in the few days before I become horny as hell and that must be a difficult mix for DH.

I wouldn't say I'm wrong to feel aggrieved, but I overreact to any irritations.

curious, why does magnesium help? I thought it's normally taken for muscle ache. a relaxant, I suppose?

Oh yes.

I control it by being very, very quiet while thinking angry thoughts.
DH asked me about it - once. I told him "I'm trying really hard not to kill you."

The sort of thing you mention in your above post, littletent, is what I mean - stuff that isn't really on but that you hardly notice when you don't have PMT because we are so used to it.

An example for you....sometimes at the dinner table DH stretches his legs in front of him and they really encroach on my space. They bump my legs and if I don't want bumped I have to tuck my legs under my chair. This behaviour annoys me at the best of times, but when I have PMT I feel really angry about it and have very negative feelings towards him for doing it, especially as I have asked him not to on more then one occasion.

I had a proper talk with DH about it and how I felt when I had PMT - which was that his behaviour on this relatively small thing was really selfish and entitled. What made him think he had the right to not only occupy much more space than me but to also encroach on my space and effectively take it from me. He got it and he saw what typical male behaviour it was (we talked about that thing so many men do of sitting with their legs sprawled out on public transport) and he has stopped doing it.

It sounds minor, but out of this we have had a few talks about "typical" stereotyped man stuff that women are just sort of expected to put up with or not even notice.

I often find the PMT rage is linked to man/woman stuff. This could be an interesting thread for FWR.

Sounds like me many moons ago.

There was a standing joke from dh in the line of 'due on soon, are we?' with a raised eyebrow and an amused look on his face after one of my 'unreasonable' episodes...

But yes, it was tears here mainly and overanalysing things he said, mountains over molehills.

I take Cerazette now all the way through so no periods. Can't comment on lack of sex drive as I don't have much of one anyway

Yes totally every single month.

I do the quiet, internal dialogue of rage thing. I become hyper critical and downright mean, tbh. I can't control the thoughts, but I put a lot of effort into keeping my mouth shut. That way DH thinks I'm moody rather than planning his demise. The way he breathes fucks me off.

I suppose all the niggles are magnified. I have been taking a supplement for the past 5 months, and it has made an enormous difference. It's just a sainsburys own one, specifically for women, and I buy it when their vits are on 3 for 2. It contains starflower, evening primrose, magnesium and manganese so I figured it couldn't hurt... but the difference it has made to how I feel each month is astonishing.
I was v lucky, and I'd never had PMT at all until after my 2nd child, but I was really, really struggling with how it was making me feel and behave. I wouldn't say I'm perfect now (!) but it's a whole lot better. I really was ready to walk out every month, just so I didn't end up stabbing him.

He's a lovely kind man- never uses harsh words, never angry, always generous- it was just my perception of the little things was being so skewed.

Years ago my PMT took the form of rages; now I'm 50 it makes me feel hopeless/fed up, even depressed. I don't have the rages, but I can barely be bothered to get out of bed the week before my period.

I've used Magnesium OK previously with excellent results, so might try it again.

I am definitely more 'off' with work colleagues too, so I do have difficulty controlling it. As I also have periods every 3 wks, it happens too frequently for my liking.