dh texting someone else

[Juliealpha]

long story!
Two years ago my job moved 200 miles away. The plan was for the family to relocate. 6 months after moving the 3dc joined me to start their new school. On 3 separate occasions the house sale fell through. My dh living there on his own until we could sell it. The job became impossible, especially as I was also effectivly a single mum to 3dc at the time. I ended up having a full break down. Last year we moved back to the family home and I quit my 23 year career.

4 days before Christmas I discovered my dh has been texting someone 14 years his junior and very pretty for most of last year. He says he's sorry and has cut all contact with her. I believe him when he says it was just texting, and extended no further than xxx at the end of messages, looking forward to the contact and swapping a couple of photos (ofor their faces)

In May I discovered I was pregnant so I'm now sitting here crying Mt eyes out. I just can't cope with the fact that the person I trusted more than anything has done this to me when I was ill and pregnant. Just because he.sausage was lonely!!

Thank you for all your comments.
The baby is only 4 weeks old, so I dare say hormones are playing their part. But how could he behave this way when I was pregnant, and this was a joint decision.

He interviewed her a couple of years ago. She is from Eastern Europe and when she didn't get the job tried to friend him on FB, which he declined. He had tried to offer her career advice on his capacity as a manager. She then started contactomg him last year via Wasapp, I imagine on the hope he would get her a job.

While I was away he phoned me every evening, and we tool it I'm turns to visit each other at weekends. Due to my problems at work and the fact we has similar jobs I didn't always want to talk to him in the evenings as I didn't/couldn't face reliving my day.

He says he had a stressful lonely time at work as a manager and was coming.home to an empty house

Doesn't excuse it though IMO

He says she started contacting him.

Which may be true.

Before making any decisions, make sure you know everything. And not just what he wants you to.

Julie, did you know about this texting at the time it was happening? or is this what he's saying since you found out

If he didn't mention it at the time (and it sounds as if he didn't since you said how upset you were on discovery) how did you find out?

I wish there was a way I could know everything, but the reality is there are things I will never know. I have access to his phone and tablet, but I can't ever know if he has another phone. I saw some of the texts, (before he deleted his Wasapp account) they were pictures of her dinner and her complaining how much she hated her college course.
I've always had control of the finances. I know people have to deal with a lot worse, but I really don't know how far this has gone and I'm at home all day dwelling on It. I would never have not trusted him before, wouldn't occur to me to check phone or email. It's not much of a marriage if you can't trust someone. I look at my RL friends and don't think their dh would behave that way, but then their wives and children aren't 200 miles away for the nest part of 2 years, snf their wife slowly losing the plot!

Sorry for the ramble, and poor spelling/grammar! x

I didn't know about the texting at the time, ow sent several texts 4 days before Christmas (Christmas was a bucket fill of chuckles on our house ) he was sat next to me and sent one back. When I asked who it was he opened up immediately and was shaking, saying how sorry he was.

I look at my RL friends and don't think their dh would treat them that way, but then they're not separated 200 miles with stressful jobs for the best part of 2 years

The good news is that you're not obliged to take any instant decisions; you could watch and wait for a while, knowing that if at any point he insists you should "get over it" then you've got your answer on how he really feels

Only you know your OH; he may have made a foolish mistake but be essentially innocent, or there could be a LOT more to it. Distance and the job are no excuse - he could have texted a male friend, or at least told you about this woman rather than leave you to find out he'd lied about breaking contact

Though there's a lot you'll never know, somehow you'll have to decide whether or not you can live with the breach of trust you're feeling. Some can, some can't and some try to until they're hollowed out with the worry and there's nothing left of the person they were; please don't let the last option be you