He's not generally a man flu type. He's very rarely ill and doesn't make a fuss when he is.
Today he has an awful cough and a high temp, sweat is pouring off him.
I am a terrible wife person when he is ill. I really don't want to be near him, it's probably not too strong to say I find him repulsive.
It all stems from the cough. He's an ex-smoker, it took him a long time to give up with numerous lapses and I suspect he still does on occasion. I hated him smoking, especially once Dc were born as (not being an addict) I struggle to understand why someone with dependants he loves would risk his health in that way. When he gets a cough it is always a nasty one, much worse than when I get the same bug IYSWIM and I feel that it's self inflicted. I hate to hear it as it makes me think about the damage he's done to himself and the implications it could have for him and our DCs long-term . I really don't know what would happen if he was really ill with something serious that could be linked to the smoking. I think I would hate him at a time he needed me to love him more.
Most of the time I love him dearly and we have a lovely life together but I really struggle when he's ill. How can I change?