Don't know what to do! Can anyone help me think this through?

[FullOfTestosterone]

I wrote before about this, but keep going back and forth about what to do... I need help!
I don't want any more kids. I have asked H to get the snip 2 years ago. He never say nay, or yay. Just keep postponing it.
I finally decided I should be the biggest person, and get the surgery myself, since I don't want the kids. However, when I went to the preOp and heard details about the procedure, I couldn't help but feel very angry that I have to face all the risk of an abdominal surgery because H can't be arsed...
So, I finally press him really hard for his reasons. He told me is because I am always threatening to leave (which is true), so he doesn't want the snip to prevent a future relationship .
That really pissed me off. WHile I respect that this is his choice, it seems like he is sacrificing any possibility of the current relationship for the potential of a future one. Thus, we might as well finish this one, so he can move on. He tells me though, that he doesn't want to move on!
When I can keep calm, I have asked if he want other kids, and he says NO! He actually didn't want our second child either.... So is not like he wants another child, but he doesn't want to loose the ability to woo some younger lady to his coop. This kind of thought in a men so disgusting to me, that it makes me want to leave him just for it!
I thought if I am not staying with him than I might as well do the operation. The problem is, DCs are still really young, and although I am bloody mad with H, I am not quite ready to walk the door. If possible, I would like to solve things. But I know that if I do the surgery I will never forgive him, and if I don't I will forever unable to have a healthy physical realtionship with him... What do I do???

Throckenholt, technically we don't both need to work. But practically, we have the same job, make the same money, and none of us really long to stay home...

Can we hire family or friends though?

tbh re.the issue of sterilisation. Neither of you should be sterilized unless you are completely sure that, no matter what, you never want to concieve another child. If for example you and both your dc were killed in an accident, would you dh want any more children? If the answer is even maybe, then sterilisation is NOT the answer.go to your GP or local family planning clinic and talk it through.there are other methods more reliable than sterilisation (which in weomne has a failure rate of 1:350 or so)

BUT this is about alot more than sterilisation, and I generally agree with the advice above

but th

So you told him to go out with you, you have pushed through every important decision in your lives together ....?

Now it seems you are angry because he won't do what you tell him this time.

This doesn't seem like a relationship made in heaven does it?

I really do think you need to sort this out before sterilising anyone.

Get a coil.

Clumsymum -
Certainly not made in heaven. Do you I'm grasping at straws and everybody would be ahppier if I just let the relationship go?

BTW, I don't think he should have the snip. He obviously don't want to. What I need help with, is to decide whether I should go ahead with mine... My decision is exactly opposed to him. If we are breaking up, than I definetely should do it. I just think there would be no chance for us if I do it, which is why I am unsure...

Very reliable and yet not permanent.
Also I seriously think you need to rekindle what you once had. Dating again is a really good idea, even if you have to persuade him into it.

im 27 and was sterilised (along with other tihngs) 2wks ago, and the op is fine. no major scars etc). good luck with your decision.

Only read the \OP and so sorry if i repeat.
i would suggest you get a hormone implant. it lasts 5 years has few side affects and will mean no babies for that period at least. during that time you can sort your relatiosnhip out.

i think the problems you are having go deeper than whether he should have the snip or not.
it concerns me that you seem to think that the male sterilisation is an easier operation. it is very painfull for the man and there are just as many complications possible.

i suggest you lok at relatioship councelling before either of you have any surgery

he's caught between a rock and a hard place. your relationship is not good so he doesn't know if it'll end, but you're insisting he has the snip which he doesn't want if your relationship ends...

i think you really need to address the constant arguing first. then worry about contraception.

You are all very right, the relationship do need sorting out, and I certainly don't think he should do it, if he doesn't want to.

I just feel really strongly about not having any risk of pregnancy.

As you can see by my nickname, the last thing I want to do is have more hormones pumped into me... I manage to be even more moody - if such a thing is possible...
Besides, I am still bfing...

I don't know. An op sounds the ideal solution. I just wished I wouldn't blame him forever for not doing...