After 5 years with hubby, just discovered he uses porn behind my back

[ROCKQUEEN]

Was very shocked to discover yesterday my husband uses porn when I'm asleep or not around. We have a fantastic exciting sex life,he says I'm sexy and beautiful and it's the best sex he ever had. I have a high sex drive and he jokes I'll kill him one day! My first husband used porn instead of having sex with me so I hate it. But also because all those perfectly surgically enhanced babes look better than my 42 yr old flabby bits and it makes me feel inadequate. Hubby knew how I felt and I assumed he didn't use it as 1. i was enough, 2.he knows how upset it makes me. I feel devastated,like I've been cheated on, am I over reacting? Hubby says all men do it. I expect single men to use it but not if youre happily married with an amazing sex life. Help,what do others think?

I think you should make your own decision about where your boundaries lie

But your H is wrong to excuse himself on the basis of "all men do it"

I think the key issue here is that he knew how you felt about it but did it anyway.

I don't think you are over reacting - in that only you know how you feel. It's a very personal, emotive issue and you are absolutely entitled to your own feelings. It may or may not be true that 'all men do it' but nonetheless that is a weak excuse designed to make you feel irrational. Having said that, I don't think anyone using porn is a reflection on their sex life or how much they fancy their partner - for some people porn fulfils a different sexual need, that is often about something detached and 'dirty'. So, please don't think it's about you not being 'enough'. It isn't.

It's up to you set set the boundaries of what you find acceptable, it's up to him to either agree or not. It's then up to you whether non-agreement/lies are a marriage breaker.

What you can't do is set your boundaries in response to what anyone else finds acceptable.

Agree that the issue is he did this in full knowledge that it was something you were against and found upsetting.