How do you force yourself tyo accept it's over?

[bogroll]

Just that really.
My ex dumped me a couple of months ago. I've been pretty heartbroken, but what I think is holding me back is actually accepting it's over. And the reason for this is because it's been an on and off relationship and every time he has ended it in the past he's ended up getting back in touch.
Now, I know what you're all thinking. Why would I even consider taking back someone who has treated me like this?
And yes, I agree, and I sincerely hope I don't. I'm in 'no contact', have been for last couple of months and don't intend breaking it. But it still doesn't stop me from actually missing the good times we had together and accepting it's over. We live near each other and everywhere I go seems to be full of reminders. I do have a lot of friends and interests and trying to keep busy, yet I always check my phone or email to see if he's messaged. Hoping and then hating myself for feeling that way.
One thing I wonder is if I spend too much time reading this forum and others like it about break ups and coping with it. Whilst I have got so much good advice it almost feels like a compulsion to keep reading and I wonder if this also anchors me in the whole break up thing?

Billy I'd like to tell him the things I should have told him when he dumped me, but didn't because I thought he didn't really mean it, so I just kind of played along and said 'fair enough'. I feel like he got away with it too easy. I'd be kidding myself if I said I feel proud of myself for not begging or pleading etc and for going no contact, but I can't because I feel I'd be a fraud to myself as really I was gutted and hoped he'd change his mind.
However, in reality I know I wouldn't even say all the things to him I'd like to should he contact me again as I again would not want to give him the satisfaction of thinking I cared. Not now. I'd rather just be cool and deliver the final coup de gras (which he probably wouldn't expect) of telling him I've just got married....lol
Seriously, I'd just like to say something like I've moved on and that he should too, even if I haven't.
Does any of that make the slihtest bit of sense? Feels like I'm rambling.
And thanks David for the sound advice. I have tried doing that, but I will keep it up. I have loads of examples if the truth be told.

Cookielove hit the nail on the head about what its like being on/off. Thats the position im in atm and the relentless denial im trying to break out of. And many just dont understand why you choose to stay or come back.

The only thing that stops me contacting him is crying everything out (once the kids are in bed) til i fall asleep. And taking it a day at a time.

I know what you mean abt it being a compulsion to keep reading these type of forums after a break up, I am exactly the same, I can't read enough of them. I think it's because in a way it's comforting to know that you are not alone and that others are experiencing the same, as awful as it is, and others can sympathise. In fact I am a little bit obsessed with them and before I started looking at this type of stuff I had no idea there were so many people with relationship problems.

'Oh, I've moved on and you should too. I'll thank you not to contact me again. Goodbye.'

Maybe imagine and practice saying something like that over and over again in the hope that it's what comes to your lips when you next hear from him.

Visualise how strong it will make you feel.

bogroll I've felt those feelings too. Keep strong. I promise you it will get better

Does anyone think it would be a good idea for me to write him a letter telling him never to contact me again?
It sounds counter intuitive, but perhaps it would help me end the cycle and move on. At least then I know I would have firmly closed the door and it may prevent me from having this awful feeling of anticipating him contacting me.
Or would that make me look like a nutter?

don't do it!

I used to do that knowing it would make my ex get in touch.

do NOT initiate contact.

Don't do it. It shows him that you are thinking about him and that he is in your mind. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking you care. He will mess with your mind againx

Yes you're both right. A friend suggested it to help me move on, but I just wanted a few other opinions.

If you do want to write it to help yourself, write it and destroy it.

I'd only write it if I thought he'd read it. That way mentally I'd know I'd have told him that enough was enough and never to trouble me again. The idea being that I then don't keep myself in this self enforced limbo.Writing it out and not sending it, whilst possibly being cathartic, would not achieve this objective.
However, I should have told him these things when he ended it and I agree, anything I write to him, no matter what the content, simply screams 'I still love you'.
I don't want him to think that. Therefore I'm prepared to accept I'll never gain closure, but I'll have retained my pride.
Also, I'd possibly be losing the opportunity to tell him to shove it should he ever get in touch again. :-)

Thats the spirit! X