How to move past this

[pantsjustpants]

No he hasn't cheated, but I'm really hurt and upset by what Dh has done. This may be quite long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Last year I was fat and unfit, I started ed to see a nutritionist and lost 3st. This guy also owns a gym, so when he started an insanity style 6 week course I signed up. Turns out I love it! I love exercising early in the morning, the work outs are great and I met a whole bunch of fab New people. I found my thing! So, I realised we wouldn't afford for me to keep doing the courses one after the after, so I didn't sign up for the next but the following one. In the meantime I discussed with Dh that I'd be going running early in the morning 3 days a week.

Dh's thing is different, he trains at least twice a week (out of the house for 4 hours with travelling), competes and goes to his friends events. I've supported him fully, I rarely say that I'd rather he didn't do something.

So I got the chance to do the next course last week due to a cancellation. I would have loved to, I really miss it. I discussed it with Dh and we agreed that we couldn't afford it so I msg'd the guy back saying thanks for thinking of me but we really couldn't afford. That was perfectly fine with me. Then by 10am Dh phones me at work so say can he do it! I was surrounded by colleagues so couldn't really say anything but he knew I wasn't happy. By the time I'd got the kids and got home he was doing the course. Despite us not being able to afford it a few hours earlier....

I'm really upset about how he went about it, I don't get how we can afford it for him but not me and I feel really let down. He says I'm being childish, selfish and I can't do it forever. Also, he's messed up my plans to run in the morning now as there's just not time now with work & kids, and I have to fit in around him. As per normal...

It's been a week now, and I've just about got past the initial anger, but I'm struggling to get past feeling let down and marginalised. Any suggestions please?

pjp I'm sorry, I would be beyond angry with my DH if he did this. It's basically telling you that you're not as important as he is. It's outrageous and the fact he's dismissing your feelings as being childish is adding to the hurt and disgraceful behaviour. Can you sit down with him and explain how out of order he is and then look at the finances so you can do the next course? Even if it means him cutting back on his activities - financially and time wise?

Plus can you draw up a timetable so you can start running 3 times a week again? If he's not willing to at least discuss it, I think you've got big problems.

I don't think you need to "get past it".

I too don't understand how you couldn't afford the course for you, but can afford it for him. This makes NO sense, and sounds grossly unfair.

You're not being "childish and selfish", you've been let down. If he's entitled to do a course that you aren't entitled to do, he's the one being selfish. Not you.

You don't move past this. You are not being childish or at all selfish.

He played a dirty trick on you. In your shoes I would not be facilitating his 'hobbies' any more.

I'm glad I'm not being stupid... I did wonder to be honest.

His justification for the money is that he has some pc bits to sell, but I don't think that washes as all our finances are joint. So that's "our" money not "his"!

I'm definitely doing the following course, I have to admit to being a bit smug at the "miss you" post one of my training buddies put up this morning on the dreaded FB.

I had to read this twice. No you aren't being childish your H is being quite astonishingly boorish.

I would be really hurt. It is a massive achievement to lose three stone. H is jealous of your new hobby. People who truly love you aren't like that I think. So I would call him on it. Also ensure he does household jobs and you get out for your run again. Just book yourself on it each time. I don't think it's money wasted at all.

Thank you all for your replies.

He does help out a lot at home, he does most of the cooking for starters. It's just not like him which is worse. I do feel I need to get past it, I just don't know how at the moment. Plus I'm going to have 6 weeks of him going on about and being there everyday. Just to rub salt in the wound....