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Relationships

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Original poster

Moving in with DP and slightly anxious about the changes

23 replies

Mygoldfishrocks · 09/03/2014 23:56

I'll start by saying that we've been together for over two years and known each other for longer. We have a great relationship, he's fantastic with the kids and they love him , all is well and I'm really looking forward to living with him. We've spent a long time gradually getting to this point and the time is now right so we've bought a house together and it's a big change for all of us!

I'm easy going and so is he. But I've been on my own now ( as in , not living with anyone ) for 7 odd years and I'm set in my ways. Will it be really weird to have another person to get used to? Their little ways ( he goes to bed earlier than me for example and is up at 6am ... I'm already imagining my inward groaning as he leaps in the shower then and it's still another 90 minutes until I get up! ) ... I suppose I'm just a little apprehensive as well as looking forward to it.. Can anyone relate?

We've talked lots about how we will pay for stuff ( we are going to pool our money and have equal spends ) , our expectations and whatnot and we get along really well.

I'm just ... Nervous at the big change coming I think. Might have to re think my once a week habit of lying in bed cramming my face with chocolate and chucking the wrappers on the floor

Anyone else moved in with a partner when they're in their 40s? What made the transition easy for you ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 09/03/2014 23:58

And just to be clear - I've absolutely no doubt at all that this is what I want.

Maybe it's like wedding day nerves?!?! ( that's coming within the year but I'll panic about that another time )

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ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:18

It's a pretty bloody scary thing to do at any age, and must be even worse when you have dc!

It's a big step, and it's completely normal to be a bit freaked out at the idea even if it is something you really want. Fwiw now DH and I were together for 7 years before moving in together, and even though I was sure and we'd just got engaged, it was pretty chuffing scary.

But, if you've got a good relationship underneath the fear then there is absolutely no reason to be nervous (easier said than done!) Hope you can relax and enjoy it for the hugely exciting time that it is

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 00:24

Aww thanks! Nice to hear from someone who can relate!

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ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:26

I promise, you'll be absolutely fine! All your courage, both hands and do what feels right. Trust your gut and you won't go far wrong!

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 00:27

I am in exactly the same situation! We move in together Easter weekend. He's bloody lovely, and fab with the kids, and so kind to me. I'm sure it's all going to be fine.

Very excited about everything, but also realising that stuff is going to change...

We've spent lots and lots of time all together, but now this shiz is getting real. I'm incredibly happy, but also a little... eeeeep!

ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:29

How long have you been together, Fighting?

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 00:30

You're right fox! I must stop being a twat and feeling slightly anxious and enjoy it! We've bought an amazing house together and he's coming to stay with me in my rented house until we've completed- hopefully just be another month or so.

He's due to move in on Friday and we've gradually been moving his stuff here. Feels weird to see his rug on my floor and his kettle in my kitchen ( although as he has Dualit stuff and mine is rubbish, I'm liking that! )

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Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 00:33

Fighting - ooh you too! Good luck with it all.

We have spent a lot of time together too - we see each other five nights a week and he stays over / I stay at his every weekend. So it'll not be too much of a change but it will mean him suddenly being with me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

For someone who said they'd never live with a man again - this is quite something!

He's having no such internal dramas. I asked him what he was most looking forward to about us living together and he just says ' oh spending more time with you darling ! ' but I just know he's not actually given it a tenth of the thought that I have

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Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 00:36

Fox - I've been careful to try and get it right this time! We started off slowly , just dating. He casually met the kids after six or so months. No declarations of love for 7 months . He first stayed over after about a year and then we had a holiday with the kids. He gradually started doing more for them ( lifts, taking them out alone if I am working ) and we just built it up slowly. I hope that that makes the difference this time.

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ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:36

You are not being a twat, you're being perfectly normal

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 00:40

Been together a year, and we currently live 4hrs drive apart... He's moving to me too, so quite the commitment. And we only mooted the idea at the beginning of Feb.

I also said I would never live with anyone, especially a man, ever again... I've been eating all my words!

ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:40

You said in your 00:33 post that deciding to live with a man again is quite something. Your instinct, I am sure, will be telling you that this one is a good un - it's a big step, but you've taken things slowly and it sounds like you've been perfectly sensible.

Fwiw he sounds lovely!

ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:42

Oh Fighting that's wonderful! 4 hours apart is a bloody long way - and if you've made it through the first year you're more than likely to go the distance

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 00:42

Yes, my instincts aren't on high alert or anything that's for sure. We're best friends really and always have a laugh so I'm looking forward to it. Thanks for being nice!

Good luck to you fighting..

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ohfourfoxache · 10/03/2014 00:45

Aw, I love happy endings!

Really pleased for you both!

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 10/03/2014 00:47

Have you worked out all the details of finances? Who pays what proportion of the bills?

How you will share the housework?

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 00:47

Yep - I've put 8000 miles on my car since I got it in November

We've also been though a few weeks that could have been sticky, and just weren't! He's very easy to be with, and we just sort of suit. Also, we went on holiday together, and I didn't get irritated by him once. This is previously unheard of

Good luck to you too Goldfish - he sounds like a keeper!

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 00:51

Finances are sorted, neither of us are that bothered about money - we earn around the same and will split the bills from a joint account, leftover money is ours to play with - but he's already said he'll be the one funding treats, as I have more expenses with the DC. He's very generous to them already. I have no worries there.

Housework has been discussed - if you want it done, do it, is the theory! But if ether of us is feeling put upon, or fed up with an area, we'll just say so. We both work full time, and getting a cleaner looks likely tbh.

It's lovely having a relationship with a grown up human male. A shock to find they do exist too!

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 00:57

Well we've not needed to discuss housework in any depth because we are both exactly the same in that respect. He's super tidy and so am I ! We both love a bit of cleaning.

WRT finances, he earns more than me. We've discussed this in detail and have agreed to put it all in one pot, so to speak ( we will keep separate accounts also ) .. All bills will be paid from this pot - everything , to include our gym memberships to petrol for both cars , food etc. we've over budgeted everything . And what is left will be split in half for us to spend as we want individually. He's generous and we've agreed that we're a family and a team and that's what is going to work best for us

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kentishgirl · 10/03/2014 10:09

I think it's important to be adaptable to other ideas and different ways of doing things. You've done things one way for years. So has he. Some of those ways will be different and you have to let each other get on with it.

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 10:24

Ah yes. Compromising!

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FightingFires · 10/03/2014 11:10

I have compromised on the cutlery drawer issue - I don't have one and it makes him wince every time he goes for a fork. We have jointly purchased a very sensible wooden one for the new kitchen

Original poster

Mygoldfishrocks · 10/03/2014 11:40

And I have compromised on baking trays. I have agreed he can wash them as opposed to my usual method of putting another layer of tin foil on

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