Fed up of being spoken to like shite

[CattyBrown]

He talks to me like shite sometimes. Well, most days really.

Earlier on DD2 said something to me so I started filling DH in on the details, he immediately started talking over me. I retaliated by saying 'I think you'll find I was talking first', he then stick bottom lip out and crossed his arms. This got my back up and I told him to carry on and stop acting like a petulant child.

He raises his voice ALOT sometimes DD2 (12) & I find it quite upsetting.

We can sit in the same room 3 feet away from each other & he can go at least 2 hours (I've timed) without talking to me, either because he's playing a game on his phone or laptop.

I have depression/anxiety and a chronic health condition which means I'm tired all the time so sometimes I'm tired and go to bed early (tonight I'm going to bed at 7.30 with DD2 ).

But if I do go to bed at this time or halfway through a programme he huffs and puffs and comments about it needing saving etc. I very RARELY ask him to save anything.

He's FANTASTIC in the kitchen, quite plain cooking, but still, what he does cook he does it very very well. When he is in the kitchen he does nothing but moan and complain, sometimes throwing things about, he shouts the kitchen isn't big enough. The kitchen is MASSIVE he just doesn't have a quick tidy round before he starts or empty the dishwasher before he starts so that he can put stuff in the dw as he goes. Instead he piles dirty things on the sides so he runs out of space. Then he starts complaining about pouring the meal out and has NEVER put a meal out completely on his own and you can guarantee he'll shout at some point saying "As poor bloody usual mine is last so it will be cold".

I'm just really getting down with him talking over me or talking to me like shite

If I pull him up on it he denies it, or he says 'You do it to me' which I do, but only when retaliating

So, you've had a moan here. he is a miserable, self-serving fucker who is bringing the whole family down

What next ?

I don't know AF. That's why I've come on here to see if anyone can offer advice

Are you married and what's the housing situation?

I wouldn't stick around to be talked to like a piece of shit

I watched my mother tolerate it all through my childhood and then stand by when he started on his kids

She is still with him 40 years later, still being a doormat and we have a very poor relationship as mother/daughter

Choose your relationship with this verbal abuser or choose to model a better life for your kids

Is there much more to say ?

Married, joint mortgage

I suggest short-term you keep pulling him up on it and don't listen to the attempts to deflect blame. Try ... 'we're talking about your miserable attitude towards me and DD, not me.' Long-term I think you have to ask yourself if living this way isn't contributing towards your depression and anxiety.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Are you going to let yourself and your children continue to be dragged down by your abusive H?. Because this is what he is. Would you yourself want your DD to end up with a carbon copy of how her dad is; on one level you are showing that his ill treatment of you is currently acceptable to you. Is a loveless and abusive marriage like this going to also be her "normal"?.

We after all learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents; what are you both teaching her here?.

He is likely also to be the root cause of your depression and anxiety as well; he uses that against you to keep you trapped.

Sorry for the long past.

Thanks guys for you're comments. You've certainly given me food for thought