Upset with my mum

[lifecrossroads]

I try to phone my mum most days, if I dont she assumes she has done something wrong or that I am upset about something (which I never am). She lives with her husband (not my father) and their daughter who is 12.

Anyway today I hadnt rang as I knew they were going out but at 2pm she rings here asking how I am etc. I got talking about my cousin that I saw yesterday for the first time in ages and we were on the phone about half an hour, both contributing to conversation.

Anyway after a bit she said "right I'm going to go and make a drink now so Ill see you tomorow" I said "ok, cya tomorow..." and as she was putting the phone down I heard her say "f*cking hell!" as if to say "I couldnt get off the phone". .

I am pissed off because I know they talk about me behind my back and say stuff about me, and I know she says I do her head in phoning all the time (but as i said if I dont she wonders why) but this time she phoned me so am I right to be annoyed at the "f*cking hell" comment which she obviously didnt mean for me to hear?

Maybe she was saying *** because the dinner had burnt, or someone had spilt something on the floor. You might be jumping to conclusions.

no I'm pretty sure it was meant at me.

Try to take it at face value, she could have tripped over the phone wire.

just don't phone every day anymore. phone when you want and don't pander to her. if she asks, keep it light anfd say 'oh i've been soooo busy'. she'll get used to it after a couple of weeks. if she confonts you, you could say that it occured to you that she might not want to hear from you all the time and leave it at that. don't get drawn into it.

hmmm baby on lap... typo's: and, confronts

Agree with wartywarthog.

Hi lifecrossroads. You may be jumping to conclusions that she was talking about you but obviously you have good reason to think that if she talks behind your back regularly. Unfortunately so does my mum (I won't repeat it all here but my thread is entitled "Would you ever cut your mum out of your life?") and I know how much this sort of manipulation can rock you.

She is lucky to have such a considerate daughter. Most mums would be delighted if they got to chat for half an hour with their grown up daughters. I really do think though that you have got to stop reacting to her behaviour and just do what suits you best, i.e. phone her when you want to, talk for however long you want to and let her be responsible for telling you she has to go now (which is what she should have said if she really didn't want to talk that long).

You sound as if you spend a lot of time and energy trying to please her. I have been doing that with my mum for 40 years and I know old habits die hard, but you will feel more free if you can break the ties that keep you dancing to her tune. Sorry if that sounds at all harsh, it's just that I feel for you. You sound like a really nice daughter and she should appreciate you more.