Coping with the empty hours when dc with ex

[workingtolive]

Just that really. A week in to our split and I'm still reeling. Very upset and drained.

Dc are due to go to him for the whole day Saturday and I am dreading it.
What did you do in those times to stop it tearing you apart? My friends all have family and won't really want to do anything or want me moping around.

Ironically he never took them for a whole day when we were together to give me a break as it was too much hard work! Likewise I always wanted a break but now it's being forced on me I feel terrible.

Any wise words on coping strategies appreciated.

10,8 and 5

Know how it feels to be left alone, still not used to it.

Good idea to bake something for dc, and be really pleased to see them on their return. Can you do your shopping or other useful things your dc don't really like doing.

Search the local groups on MNs to see if theres one near to you, maybe being with other Mums in a similar situation might be ok for you.

You already run, an alternative is to walk and walk, i've taken my dog for 3 to 4 hour walks in the past rather then be home alone, i'm short of money too. Have spent days curled up in ball just waiting for them to come back, now try to do something positive. Have joined a walking group for people my age, some last half a day, others a full day, just good to spend time with other people who don't know my personal details, and just discuss general stuff :)

Sending a hug, its a horrible situation to be in, when you're kids are taken off you, however much you know they need to see their Dad. x

I can totally understand. The first time my DDs went to their Dad''s for weekend I just sat and sobbed for hours. It was awful.

And whilst I knew I needed to be around people to distract me it is really hard to ask anyone if you can pop over or do stuff during the day at a weekend- especially if those friends have their own kids and partners and busy lives and you know they are doing family things. You just don't want to 'impose'.....

But in the end I just did!

I admitted to a friend in passing that I had an awful weekend and she immediately invited me for lunch the next time my kids were away. It was so nice to have something planned and for me distraction was the key. And others were great too. After all, imagine if you had a friend in your situation - you would be happy to have them round for coffee for an hour, wouldn't you?

After a while I started to use the time as others upthread have said - sorting out, doing shopping, cleaning, relaxing with a magazine - but for me in those first few months I had to be with people to keep me from spiralling into my own unhappy thoughts (of which there were many).

I know it won't seem like it now, but it does get better - I still dread the kids going but am now so much better at planning things to stop me missing them so much.

Helen Wasn't being snotty, really. Your comment was fine, just reminded me of the conversation I had the other day with someone who really didn't have a clue.

What are you up to working?

I hope you have sunshine wherever you are. It helps

I hope the day goes smoothly for you and hopefully once day one is over then you can gradually adjust and use this time for yourself.

Join breeze on iwd2014 and go for a bike ride

join a sports club, lots of sports clubs are very cheap membership or fees

or have you thought of volunteering? There is usually a whole list on the internet for the town you live in for volunteering that you could do on a saturday

It does get easier, it is hard to say goodbye to family life. this isn't just about being without your dc for a few hours this is about the end of your life as you knew it and you need time to adjust, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to be sad before you move on. There are large changing to your life and for the sake of your own sanity an that of your children don't rush, take your time.