He's just told me he's in a Polyamorous relationship. Do I run a mile?

[EverythingHappens4aReason]

I've met someone online we've chatted only a few times but I'm enjoying it he seems a lovely bloke. He's told me tonight he'd like to meet up but has to tell me first he is in a Polyamorous relationship. His girlfriend is already seeing someone but this is the first time he's felt comfortable enough to meet anyone. I've told him I'd think about it and I'd have 20+ questions first which he says no problem. My head says run but I'd like advice of people who have experienced this........can it work ? Does it ever? I'm not particularly looking for the next great love of my life yet so would a few dates hurt?

With apologies to the genuinely polyamorous - polyamorous my arse!
Why wasn't that on his profile then?
He's a liar from the start.
I call bollocks.

If you are not polyamorous yourself then run!

I will say though to those who say polyamorous = shagging around - that shows how little you know about it!! Polyamorous literally means you can love more than one person at once and polyamorous relationships are often committed and serious relationships where all persons concerned are happy with the relationships. I think you are getting 'polyamory' confused with 'open relationships'. In open relationships both partners are free to see other people outside the relationship without the involvement of their significant other. In polyamory the 'other man/woman' is introduced to the partner right from the start. It isn't a 'shag fest' but an emotional thing.

Don't see anything wrong with polyamorous relationships, but the time to choose one is before you begin a new relationship with someone, not when it's presented to you as a condition of starting a relationship. Only then can you know its something you've chosen because it fits your approach to sex and relationships, not someone else's.

Jayne I agree I've just had a long message off him to say it's took him a long time to get his head around it and now does he thinks he feels ready
I've messaged back to say isn't getting your head round it just another way of justifying cheating
It sounds to me he's only doing it to keep a girlfriend who's been seeing someone else for 8 months!!!! He needs to post on here you lot would sort him out! ;-)!

I went out with a 'polyamorist' for 9 months. Only he didn't tell me until the 9 months was up. When I dumped his ass he started crying his eyes out and whinging 'none of my relationships ever work out'. No shit.

I think genuine polyamory is rare and this guy obviously isn't really into it either. I'm not against casual multi-relationships - I had two FWBs on the go at one point, and one of them had several FWB things. It was all above board, and no attempts to make it sound like something it wasn't (polyamory). Sharing someone when it's basically just sex and friendship is one thing - and many people find that hard - but polys believe they should be loving relationships too. Personally, I can't stomach someone I love, also loving someone else. And I don't want to be in love with two men.

Big mess. Don't get involved.

God, what a sap he sounds.

Run away, quickly. You don't need this emotional vacuum in your life.

It sounds like he's been pushed into this situation, so as not to 'lose' the girlfriend, even though he didn't actually choose to be 'polyamorous'. And now that he's normalised it in his head, he thinks he can get himself an extra too, probably to fill up the evenings when his girlfriend's not around.

This wouldn't go well, for you or (most likely) for him either. He needs to work out what he wants, and make it happen, and I doubt that's really polyamory.

And you deserve to find a partner who is at least in the same book as you when it comes to relationships, if not the exact same page!

If you are looking for a monogamous relationship then yes, run a mile. Nothing good will come of it IMO.

Thanks everyone xxx

You haven't met him yet? Just online?

Get out while you still can. Sounds like a drama/mess waiting to happen.

"it's took him a long time to get his head around it and now does he thinks he feels ready"

ROFL! He makes you sound like a bungee jumping instructor rather than a romantic partner!!! I think my head's in the right place now. BRACE YOURSELF I'm going for it!!!

Tell him to sling his hook.