Feel I must take responsibility!

[Rocklover]

Had a conversation with DH yesterday, where for once he wasn't being as stupid. We agreed that we both had a part to play in our splitting up, however I am not very good with guilt as it makes me feel so awful, I can never usually forgive myself.

I know that financial pressure was one of the main problems and this was cuased by me not getting a FT job. There is no defence really, I knew that things were difficult, but just couldn't bear the thought of DD, under a year old being in childcare from 8am-6pm everyday! So I just ignored everything and hoped it would get better (although I did work part time). Dh was a total pig last year and has admitted he hated me at times for not working and knows he treated me worse than he would have treated a dog in his bad moments.

Thing is I know I am to blame for losing the house and I am glad DH has managed to buy something, but I know that I am not going to be able to rid myself of this guilt. I did ask why we couldn't have found something with an interest only mortgage last year and he said that he wasn't aware he could get this much money. The sensible part of me knows that we are not right for each other and that his communication problems....and his family would always cause a rift and the fact that we have nothing in common.

DH feels that DD will now have a worse life with us apart and he and I will not be able to spend as much quality time with her together and apart, especially when I am working FT when she is at school. I don't agree, as DH didn't spend enough time with her before, he came in and went to sleep.

This is a confused ramble, so I apologise as I was doing so well, but am having a down day, will I ever get over this guilt about the money and DD???

Thanks for trying to make things sound o.k, but cuurently not coping well with anything. Will work things out on my own.

If it makes you feel better, i'll accept responsibility for what other people now think of you RL.

I meant no malice, and thank you LST for being able to see that and explain it (probably better than I). I agree with LST that you need counselling of some sort. I wish you well.

Rocklover, sounds to me like you're really bitter about the compromises you've made for your dh and you feel he has not made similar efforts.

I suspect that what the others are suggesting is that you need to take responsibility for your part in the compromises you've made and move on from them, rather than looking back and blaming him for his part in it.

I think you should carry on posting. There's a lot of support on here for you, and I also think you should start doing concrete things to improve your situation: learn to drive, enroll in a correspondence course etc. I don't think you should do anything rash, but start little by little to get your life back on the course you want. Perhaps sit down and think about what you really want, and think up a plan as to how to start achieving it. Leave out your dh for now, give it a few days, and then start to think about how he fits into it all. But you also have to let your bitterness go and not hold your dh responsible for the past. Draw a line.

In absolutely no way is this meant to offend. Keep posting, no-one is thinking ill of you.