does number of partners matter

[jesy]

Ok met this bloke and I do like him he gorgeous and funny and made me all hot n flustered over a . Kiss , we were chatting yesterday about the . Off number of partners arose he has had a fair few over 20 , I've had two which I was honest about.
Should I be concerned

I can see how someone with much less experience could feel concerned being with someone who has had a lot of partners. I'm a bloke, 40, and have had five sexual partners which I gather is a very low figure these days. Lost my virginity at 21 in a relationship that lasted 4 years, then a brief fling, then a 10-year relationship. Been officially single for the last 4 years but had two brief flings (not one night stands).

I'd probably be terrified if I knew my next partner had been with loads of guys because I would just feel that I'd be nowhere near as good. Of course, number of partners doesn't equal quality but it goes through your head.

So it was a stupid question then OP.... However, if he had an ounce of commonsense he'd have batted it away. Like 'does my bum look big in this?' and 'how old would you say I looked?' it's a question that doesn't necessarily need an honest answer.

He asked me to start off with knowing that I'd only had 2 bf. Before .
So in return I asked him how many girls he'd been with.
I guess I am worried I'll seem inexperienced .

this threads weird... why would you text an ex and ask him if you were good in bed man?

I have had over 30 partners, i think my DP has had less than five - i am more jealous of his ex partners than he ever needs to be about mine, quantity over quality im afraid.

Doesn't everyone have this conversation at some point?

I honestly don't think you need to worry about his past number of partners - you need to concern yourself with your relationship now, which i hope is all good.

I don't think it matters how much "experience" you have - like i said, 30 plus partners (i regret them all) before DP (together 22 years, both faithful) and he only had five. By FAR the best sex ive had, because we have obviously had time to learn what the other person likes etc.

Has he done/said anything else that would make you feel this way?

It seems to be going ok . It very early days ,I was so open and honest as well I'd rather he knew .
I asked my ex as he my best friend these days ,he is the one who I trust most in the world.
It might seem daft but as mate's we better than in a relationship , he asks me stuff about his gf

Len

He been lovely when we kissed he put hand on my hips it didn't push it.
Deep Down I don't think I'm pretty enough to date him

ah now, we are getting to the crux of the matter. Don't be ridiculous, men are incredibly aesthetically led, if he wasn't attracted to you, do you think he would bother?

I am sure you are just lovely, but you do seem to have some serious self-esteem issues. I had lots of hang-ups about DP's exes because he had only a few partners, i felt i couldn't compete and used to think of myself as his consolation prize - well, 22 years later and still going strong despite a rough patch, i must be ok! Please do not let your self-esteem issues cloud your relationship.

Can i ask, do you still have feelings for your ex? that isn't going to help

I did till for a while but in October last year we met up but no feelings we hugged but nothing ,I love him but as a Friend.
This new bloke a lot like my ex but it was he who chased me so to speak.

Oh Jesy.
Is this your ex's friend?
I think you should see a counsellor to work out why you keep second guessing everything, BEFORE you date again.
You always seem concerned with what they think of you - this guy and the last one.
You need to not care. Be confident that you don't care.

I have no idea how many people my boyfriend has slept with. I'm neither ashamed not proud of my 20 (I'm 40). It's just what it is. The only time I have ever know how many partners a partner had had, was when I slept with a virgin who had told me he was. It's just... totally irrelevant.
Oh actually - I lie, it did come up in conversation with a guy who had slept with about 80 women. He appeared to have done the same thing 80 times. Not "experienced" really.

All that matters is that you and your partner enjoy sex together. You don't have to do more things because he has in the past. And whilst you feel like that, you shouldn't sleep with him at all.

The crux of this is that you feel lucky when a man shows interest. You need to genuinely believe that THEY are lucky when YOU show interest.

I don't give a damn how many women my boyfriend had been with. I just know he's lucky to have found me.

I know I have low self esteem you get put down long enough you believe it.
I was looking at some pics my ex sent me over week end of a wedding he'd gone to and we'll the bride was no skinny minni like I imagine her to be so gave me a bit of hope that looks not everything,
I guess deep down its personality.
Yes they friends not that close but in same circle ,my ex even encouraged me to date him saying he decent bloke .

I know your ex is your friend, and actually I think that can be OK. But I'd just go easy on the sharing re new man, as they know each other.

The first step to beating that low self esteem is exactly what you've done - recognise it, know it comes from having been put down in the past.

You have to learn to like yourself, no matter how hard that sounds. You cannot expect anyone else to like you, if YOU don't. And that means not judging yourself by what other people think - of your weight, of how many partners you've had.

You have to be yourself to find the right person, but you have to like yourself too.

I can't help with book recommendations, but I'm sure there are people here who can.

But I'm a big fan of fake it til you make it!
Say out loud to yourself now: it doesn't matter how many people we've each slept with, he is LUCKY he got a date with me. Because he IS.

I a careful with what I say .

Same here LEM, I'm convinced I've had far more partners than DP, as he was a serial monogamist, whereas I've had a few LTR and also some ONSs while at Uni and working abroad/in bars etc.

I wouldn't necessarily want to tell him my number, as he is the sort of man who would feel self-conscious imagining that I'm comparing him, despite the fact that he is the best of them all by a very long way.

I'd be more jealous of the one ex he had his DCs with and anyone else he actually loved than any number of random shags.

I'm probably over thinking all this