He has gone

[Hup]

... And I don't know what to do. DS is inconsolable. DH left. No reason (have name changed and there is no one else so please do not come here if that is all you can say as I am devastated enough without having to battle that as well).

It has been going on for a few weeks since he decided to tell me he loved me but was no longer in love with me. He stayed for Christmas, DS birthday and an operation I had. Then this morning I woke up and he is packing. The only reason he can give is that he has been unhappy as I have not been there enough for him (had a miscarriage, dad had heart attack and close family member died in last 14 months).

I have to sell the house, find new schools (can't afford the area and DS in year 5 so need secondary application tomorrow - we live in catchment of only decent school).

I just don't know if I can go on

it isn't you. i promise. not matter what has happened, he has chosen to do this from a place of deep unsettled fuckedness in the brain area.
If there isn't a ow, and there does't have to be, he has issues. ones that have surfaced with the trauma you've both been having to deal with.

oly he is the one who has't been dealing with stuff, not you. Your story sounds almost the same as mine op.
When i looked back, after about a yr or so i did manage to see some sigs of us disconnecting or at least him from me. x

IT IS NOT YOU.
You're not the one that's upped and left, are you?
If it was you, he'd be able to give a reason, and you said "no reason".
After 15 years, he should cope with a run of difficulty - or TALK to you if he isn't.
This really isn't your fault.

You absolutely HAVE to lawyer up!
Get legal advice.
If you lost all your CB before, then he's on £60K+
£50K is about £3K take home - there is money to go round.
He can take the debts for example, and go into a debt management plan. His problem.

It just sounds from your comments like you would get the minimum CSA from him and maybe have to fight him for that...

So my advice is to get whatever you can up front - e.g. Higher house equity, pension share, him taking on the debts...
Day to day, debts are often the killer for people - they would have enough on wages + benefits to live OK, but the debts push them under.
With the house, you may be able to trade more equity for you, by giving up a claim on his pension.

But discuss none of this with him, and speak to a lawyer.
I'm sorry you're going through this. xxx

Thank you all. I will make an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow. My DS has at last calmed done but thinks that if dad loved him enough he would have stayed. Whatever I say will not change his mind from that. Poor bloody kid. DSS does not know yet as he is at work. I have been with H since DSS was 2. He will be devastated as I am the only stable person in his life (his relationship with H has been strained at times).

I just keep asking myself why?. I still can't see him as the selfishnbastard I know he is. I guess anger will follow?

You poor girl - I am so sorry. But I promise you, things WILL get better and you'll come through this. Some great advice here. Stay strong, get legal advice, especially with regard to finances. We're all here for you.

My XH gave me a similar speech when he walked out suddenly. He no longer loved me, he didn't feel that I cared enough about him blah blah blah. This was after a bad patch of illness and also losing my aunt to cancer. We had been together for ten years, married for 6, DD was just 4yo.

In my case XH had formed an emotional relationship with his mates wife which was the catalyst to him going. I'm not going to shout OW at you if you don't want to hear it, just saying what happened to me. Two years on, XH is now living with his mates wife and I'm seeing somebody.

There is life after divorce, but I was a wreck for a very long time after XH left. Just look after yourself and your DC and don't take any shit from your H. Get the legal advice, sort out CB, tax credits, council tax reduction etc.

Been to the solicitors today and feel much more secure in my position and what H will have to provide for. Looks like I may be able to stay in the home for the next few years if he agrees to the terms. Been advised to sit tight and do nothing yet though.

Hi Hup, so pleased you went - I hoped it would reassure you. And yes, sit tight, don't agree to anything untill you are ready - and do not tell him you visited the solicitor until you have too.

Its a horrible time, but it does get better. Do not allow yourself to feel bad, or guilty or sad about him.

Grieve for the end of your marriage, of course, but look after yourself and your DC.

I still hope that it is not the end and he will wake up and see what he has lost. I hope it is some sort of midlife crisis and instead of buying a fast car he has flipped out this way!

Perhaps he will Hup but you can't sit around waiting for him. A woman looking to the future, living her life and being independent is far more attractive and easy to respect.

Oh don't worry logg he will see a fabulous woman when he sees me and DS will tell of the amazing things we are doing!