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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Worried for my friend

4 replies

cantmakepastry · 02/03/2014 08:09

New here & know my friend would be mortified if I said I had posted here but I need to know how to help her.
Friend is dating guy & moved in about a year ago. Turns out has alot of problems & is now directing all his emotions at her. He is self harming & we both believe he is on brink of hitting her. Its her house, she has 2dc, he has nothing, no friends & nowhere to go.
She wants him out asap but rightly very worried how to do this. She is also very worried for his well being.
Any advice? Thank you all.

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 02/03/2014 08:41

I think her first step is to understand that she needs to act in her and her DCs best interests - he is not her responsibility, he is an adult. So, if he lives in her house (and it would be interesting to know if he pays his way, etc), she can sit him down, tell him it's not working for her, ask him to leave, and he has to go. It will be hard, if he truly has nowhere to go - but she doesn't want him in her life any more so he has to sort himself out - she can give him a few days notice. If she's scared he'll do her/her belongings harm, is there a friend she can ask to come & stay while she does it?

TeenyW123 · 02/03/2014 08:41

Can she lock him out when he goes out? And then change the locks if he has a key.

If he makes a scene she can call the police and they'll guide him off her property.

If it's support she wants tell her to call Women's Aid. They're very busy tho and it might be best if she emails them.

If it's her house he doesn't have a claim or say in what your friend does.

Original poster

cantmakepastry · 02/03/2014 09:04

Thank you. She is just very afraid of his reaction to being told to leave. I could be there for her but tbh he scares me too. He literally doesn't have a friend or family member whatsoever he can call. A sign indeed!
Yes she could change the locks & leave his stuff outside but thats not easy for her to do morally knowing he has nowhere to go.
Thank you for your advice both of you

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/03/2014 09:04

She can't afford to put her worry for his wellbeing over her own safety or that of her DCs. Her family comes first She must tell him to leave, preferably with someone else present if there's a chance he could be violent. A call to the police 101 number would also be advisable as they can intervene if there are future problems. Agree about changing the locks behind him.

She could get more information on how to get shot and stay safe from Womens Aid 0808 2000 247

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