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Relationships

Are my friends right and I've actually gone mad?

84 replies

LikeATeenager · 01/03/2014 18:06

Hi all,
I'd really appreciate some perspective on this one as my gut is telling me one thing and my friends another!
I've had a difficult few years. My much loved father died unexpectedly which made me question everything, and as a result I ended up splitting up from my husband (we are still good friends though fortunately - no DC)
I then had a bit of a crazy year - think far too much alcohol and sleeping around. I wasn't hurting anyone though and have no regrets. Something I needed to do I think!!!

Anyway an old acquaintance popped out of the woodwork 4 months ago and despite neither of us 'looking' for a relationship we have fallen head over heels. All good so far! However he lives 250 miles away, and I am being made redundant in May. For various reasons the next job I get I must stay in for 2 years minimum. As a result after a lot of coming and going we have decided I will look for a job in his home town and move there as neither of us can face only seeing each other every two weeks for the next two and a half years (at the moment we see each other a lot as my redundancy means I can do a lot more flexible working from home)

My friends think I am mad to be moving halfway down the country. However we did live together for 3 years at uni and know we get on. I would rent and not sell my house so that I could always return if I needed to.

Their other concern is that I earn a very good salary which I could not get in his area. Whereas he is starting as a mature student next year for a 7 year course.

But the cost of living where he lives is so much better than London that even on a reduced salary I would be better off. I also love the area. But more than anything else I love him and want to be with him.

Oh and ps I wouldn't ask him to move to me due to the cost of living and family commitments in his area.

So - I just wondered after being ambushed by my friends yet again today (in swell meaning way!) what you ladies thought. Oh and I am 28 if that matters. Thank you

OP posts:

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UterusUterusGhali · 05/03/2014 06:25

You're young! Do it!

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UterusUterusGhali · 05/03/2014 06:27

But agree actually that you shouldn't move in with him. Be independent.

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mirai · 05/03/2014 06:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 05/03/2014 07:48

Well, I'm not one to talk about rash decisions - DP was asking me to move in with him after three weeks! I'm 25 and my parents were moving six hours away, so I had a choice - go with them and uproot my whole life, or take a chance on DP and stay.

That was nine months ago and we're still together, engaged and head over heels in love. I have three wonderful SDC and we're currently planning our wedding. So long as you keep your house (renting it out is a good idea) and protect yourself financially (separate bank account and personal savings), I'd say go for it! Life's too short not to live it :)

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Bogeyface · 06/03/2014 15:51

Thedoctors

What about option 3 where you, as a grown woman of 25, stand on your own two feet for a while and get some independence?

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Bogeyface · 06/03/2014 15:51

Instead of relying on others?

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MyNameIsKenAdams · 06/03/2014 15:58

After four months, if I were you, id do a trial run of renting somewhere close to him on my own for a year. Then, after that, if you are both still feeling like you are, then start contributing to his mortgage.

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Lweji · 06/03/2014 15:59

Nine whole months, Doctor? :) Impressive.

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Lavenderhoney · 06/03/2014 20:21

Why would you have to stay in your next job for two years? What if he turns out to be a nightmare and you are trapped?

Personally I wouldn't give up a good career with a good salary. You can afford to see him weekends and talk during the week. He will be studying and working to support himself surely?

4 months is too soon, IMO. Get another job, keep seeing him and see how it goes.

What course is he doing which is 7 years? That's a big chunk of anyone's life. Do you want 7 years of subbing him, paying for hols, earning less money and losing opportunities along the way, playing wife when you aren't married? That's NOT a nudge to get married btw!

Sorry to rain on your parade but I think you are crazy:) Your friends are right IMO. Its too soon to give up what is a good life for someone you have only been with for 4 months. Being friends is very different to being lovers.