how much does someones past matter?

[teaandcoffeetogethertastebad]

After a lovely 3 days away with my DP I've been left feeling insecure about his past. Obviously we both have one and I accept that but a few things keep infiltrating my mind. They all occurred before he met so I dont know why I feel so effected. Firstly he gambled away his money and lost his house about 7 years ago resulting in the breakdown of his marriage. He now lived with his brother and cant get credit or have anything in his own name. The other 2 things are he took recreational drugs on 3 separate occasions and he had sex with a prostitute when on a stag weekend abroad. Since being with me he has been nothing other than responsible and loving although he admits to being all or nothing. Im worried he may repeat his behaviour when he is with me or am I just being insecure?

Drugs, meh everyone I know has tried something at least once. None are addicts or users nowadays.
Prostitutes, no, just no.
Gambling addiction, game over.

I think I'd have serious trust issues with someone who gambled away all of their money.

I'm very protective of myself financially, and I know what it's like to be with someone reckless with money.

It's going to come up time and time again in your future - mortgage, credit cards, loans, car purchase. It will all be on your shoulders and could lead to bitterness..or worse.

And real men don't buy women....

He sounds a bit hedonistic but without the funding to live the playboy lifestyle. Like an Aldi Hugh Heffner.

I'd run a mile from a gambler even without the other stuff.

-I wonder if he said anything along the lines of, I'll be honest about my past but that's my past, take me for what I am now? hence your seeing your own legitimate concern as merely 'insecurity.'

Regardless: on the one hand, people do things which they regret, and they can reform. On the other hand, when it comes to personalities, past performance is a very good guide to future performance.

This guy has not done one regrettable thing, but several. Losing your HOUSE through gambling is a major, major problem to have in your past. You know about incidents of drug use and prostitute visits. What if he hasn't been as honest as he says? There could be a lot more that you don't know yet.

The gambling would be a deal breaker for me. And I wouldn't be thrilled about the prostitutes either.

The drugs, less so. Very few are squeaky clean in that score.

The drugs are one thing, although he might well be minimising a serious drug habit as a few tries of cannabis.

For me the use of prostitutes is the worst thing, it show a complete lack of respect for other individuals. Paying for access to someone's body, someone who has had such a terrible life that they have no choice but to sell their body? No, just no.

The gambling thing is obviously very serious, and in particular because it lost him his family home. Which means he made his wife and child homeless. If he'd just gambled and hadn't admitted to the prostitutes and drugs and his gambling had affected him but not any dependents then it might be a judgement call (e.g. I know someone who was an alcoholic when younger but has been clean for years and is now a great Mum) but because of the impact on his family it's yet another a big red flag.

Leave him and find a nice man who respects women and hasn't hurt his family.

Drugs fine. Gambling and prostitute not fine. Prostitute especially. I don't agree with gambling (I don't want to win money from potentially vulnerable people) but I might be able to sort that in my head. Prostitute would be a deal breaker. I split up with exdp of several years after I found out he had contacted (but not slept with) a prostitute. No respect for someone who uses or seriously considers them.

For me, that little lot would be a deal breaker. The gambling on its own or just the prostitute would be enough to make me think twice, but combined it is definitely too much IMO he will mess up again just a matter of time.

3x drugs - okay
1x hooker - okay
gambling problem - total deal breaker

I am suprised my the amount of posters that think the prostitute use is ok. It really isn't.

It depends what conclusions you draw from those actions. For me:

• experimenting with recreational drugs = ok, I've done the same. not a problem.
• gambling = he is selfish and downright stupid.
• slept with a prostitute = he thinks with his dick and objectifies women. no no no.

So overall for me, those things would change how I feel about someone.

Absolutely no way. The gambling alone would be enough, but sleeping with a prostitute is just appalling.