MIL and WebCam

[WinkyWinkola]

I don't get on with my MIL. She's controlling, needy, bitchy and obsessed with my son (16 months).

She thinks grandparenting is her second chance to be a parent. She got pretty annoyed with me when I disagreed with her parenting opinions and refused to do things her when my son was born.

Since I've put my foot down, she is just pretty bitchy whenever we see her but I ignore her as she just a stupid woman who has nothing else to do but stew, rant and bitch about other people who don't invite her to their parties or weddings or her daughter who is pretty firm with her too.

Now, I've never liked the idea of webcams. I simply don't want one in my home. She's just got one and has said she's going to send me one for my birthday.

We've already talked about webcams and she knows I don't want one but she wants us to have one so she can see her grandson whenever she wants. I feel this is disrespecting my wishes in my own home. It is my home afterall. We try to see them as often as possible but it's a long drive (minimum 3.5 hours on a good day) and I don't really think hauling my child up and down the motorway is the best thing for him.

If they send me a webcam for my birthday (I've told them already I don't want any presents), what should I do? Send it back? Take it back to the shop? I want to handle this diplomatically but with the end result that I don't have to have this camera in my home.

I've got a pretty short fuse as far as MIL is concerned as she keeps pushing boundaries so I'd like to be able to handle this one with adult aplomb, if that's at all possible.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

WinkyWinkola

tell her no straight of no and mean it. if she doesnt take the hint send the thing back saying i didnt ask for this but thank you. tell her you dont like them at all. but most likely she'll see it as an attack on her
my mil is the same we cant stand each other at all so we dont see her much as she is pure evil but thats another thread me thinks

We have one & use Skype. I have to say that it would make me feel very uncomfortable if it meant someone I didn't get on with could contact me through it, it is a BIG invasion of privacy and it makes me feel a bit exposed even though it's very handy for keeping in touch with friends overseas.

I'm pretty sure our not having a webcam won't destroy any relationship between my child and his grandmother! How daft to suggest that by not having a camera I could be 'denying' any relationship between them.

I'm not to start feeling guilty about not having a camera in my home. My parents cope without one as do millions of other grandparents!

WinkyWinkola

yup, i agree ww. there are other ways to communicate. you don't have to be rail-roaded into this.

I wasn't really suggesting that you would be 'denying' your MIL a relationship with her grandson. Rather that perhaps the relationship might be enhanced (albeit in a one-sided way at the moment) by allowing your MIL visual access to your DS regularly. Even if it is a bit of a pain.
Having said that, of course you shouldn't have to have a camera if you really don't want one.

have the camera and prop up a pic of him in front of it

if you really dont want one you should say your not comfortable with it as maybe other people could get access to it or just get one and put up with a few mins here and there instead of the drive - at least you can "crash" the computer and its over and done with rather than trying to get away from her house?!

If I thought that having a web-cam would have the ability to reduce the frequency of visits to MIL, I'd get one like a shot!
Grandparents are a vital part of our childrens lives and like it or not it is a relationship that should be encouraged not deterred. Nobody else is ever going to love your child like a grandparent does, even if they don't love you
In-laws are often a pain in the neck, my mil is dreadful but I feel it is my duty to put up with her occasionally because she is my dp's mother and my dd's grandmother.
You don't have to get offended by things your mil says, you can just ignore her! Smile through gritted teeth and focus on the fact that the visit will be over soon.
I just personally feel that going into combat with a mil is a very dangerous area, much better(and easier in the long run) to grin and bear it.

But I don't want to reduce the frequency of our visits to the grandparents though or their visits here as we can't visit that often anyway. I totally want my child to know his grandparents as much as is feasible. I just don't want a web cam in my house.

But I find it really interesting the different coping strategies people have with their in laws and other difficult relatives.

I for one am really not prepared to put up and shut up at all but I don't want out and out war either. It can be tough to keep diplomatic though. But, for example, my mother is my son's grandmother but I certainly wouldn't put up with nonsense from her, so why should I put up with nonsense from any of my son's other relatives just because they are his relatives? Or anyone for that matter! That doesn't make sense to me.

My in laws are rather controlling - or rather have been in the past - and I can't afford to simply ignore what they say because if I do that, then all kinds of things tend to happen i.e. my wedding guests get mysteriously uninvited or my son is given food at four months when I fully intended to wean him at six etc.

Hopefully, they'll start to respect that my husband and I make my own decisions for our lives, our son and our home.

It is getting better but things like his web cam business are hiccups that I don't want to develop into real issues. But I think I'll be upfront about it and try not to show my massive irritation that yet again they've cheesed me off.

WinkyWinkola

wow! giving food and tampering with wedding invites are pretty major transgressions. i can see totally why you need to make a stand on this, and sympathise.