Trying to make sense of things!

[Frizzydisaster]

Very confused about what love is and how you know when you have it.

Do you have anyone in your life that makes you feel like a totally different person?

I have had one guy in my life who made me feel sexy, free, and like anything was possible. It was almost like being drunk. I was crazily physically attracted to him and felt like I would never/could never get enough of him. Relationship ended badly and I don't think he felt the same way.

Now I have a wonderful OH who I am settled happily into domestic life with, but there is none of that crazy desire on my part that I had with the other guy.

So here are my questions:

What's a toxic obsession, what's just being madly in love? And how do long term relationships really make most people feel?

I worry that current OH isn't right for me because I don't have that mad desire - but is it ever possible to sustain that? Is the life I have now actually the way most settled, happy relationships are?

Or... is it best to just decide if I'm happy with what we have? And not try to compare it to the memory/thought of something else (which very possibly would not have even worked/stayed that intense in the long run?)

You can't define love because it's a deeply personal thing. Everyone has different standards and experiences. The passion you felt for the wrong guy was just bad luck. It is totally possible to feel the same passion for someone else and have it reciprocated. Some people don't particularly rate passion and are much happier settling for 'safe'. Ultimately, only you know if you're satisfied with your life and your choices.

I think the trap we can all fall into is in comparing ourselves to others.

In reality, it's all about being happy and content with who you are with and willing to commit to them to the exclusion of others.

There will always be things that life dictates that means not everything is perfect, but you can look at things you aren't satisfied with and try to improve on them. The perfect relationship doesn't happen only thanks to fate and nature.