were you a single parent before marriage?

[ratclare]

I am trying to work out if my husbands behaviour is linked to his previous disastrous marriage , i already had a son when we met and we concieved our daughter within 2 weeks of getting together (had known each other 15 yrs ,not total slut!), we married when she was 13months old . We have a mutual friend who also had a disastrous first marriage and then married a single mum and had another baby . this lady and myself were comparing notes a few weeks ago and realsied that we are treated the same by our husbands , especially with regards to money .
Neither of our husbands have children from nay other relationships . Is there anyone else out there who wants to compare notes ?

Cant compair notes but laughed at the not total slut comment. X and i fell pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex after 3 months together.

I was a single mum before meeting my dh. I love him lots but we both bought a lot of emotional baggage with us when we got together and it has been hard to let go of it.

Dh's ex used to spend all his money, go out on the pull and cheat on him while he was sat indoors looking after her kid from a previous relationship. After that he vowed not to let anyone do that to him again and it has been hard to prove to him that i am nothing like her. He will buy us anything/take us away etc but when it comes to paying bills/food etc he will only give me the bare minimum, its as if he thinks i will use any left over to go out on the pull or something even though he knows deep down i would never do that. If we need any extras he is quite willing to pay for them but he just finds it hard to trust me.

In a way i can understand. When i was a single mum i learnt very quickly that the only person i could rely on was myself. I grew very independant and it is a habit that has been hard to break. Even now I have to be in control of the bills, they all arrive in my name and it is me that has to pay them, that way i know they have been done. I dont like having to rely on anyone else for help if i cant do it myself then i'd rather not do it at all. I am gradually getting better though after 6yrs together (4 of then married) but now and again i still go back to being the strong willed independant person i was and block out dh. Its been very hard letting go and allowing dh to be an equal partner in the life of myself and my son but we are getting there. Dh is also trying to move on from the past, slowly.

Its hard for us because we have both been hurt quite badly in the past but we both love each other and know deep down that neither are like our exes, we will get there in the end but it can get quite frustrating at times

ratclare, what do you mean by 'especially with regards to money' ?

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