Have you ever had such a good time ...........

[chopsolata]

without your dh that you fear life will never return to normal again

i went away with a friend on the weekend, had a blast, met loads of fab people, realised how unhappy I am here (i went back home), just cant seem to shake the feeling off and its now Wednesday

Oh dear. Do you feel you are unhappy at home, or was it just that you had such a great time when you went away, that you now feel a bit deflated?

I was unhappy before I went, now feel even worse, its like I've been allowed to chew the grass in the greener field for a few days!!

Dh is now being the model husband and has decided he wants to make the marriage work at all costs but do you ever think theres a point where its too late

I kind of know how you feel. I felt really down after returning from a great hen weekend in Brighton, when I was suffering from PND & things were not great at home. I had a great 2 days of socialising, & just being me, but fell flat on my face when I returned home to a screaming baby, a demanding toddler & a moody husband! I remember sitting in the lounge crying, on the night I returned home!
I think getting away from it all & actually having a good time, can be a bit of a wake up call sometimes.
Have you been having a bad time for a while?
Do you feel your relationship could be saved?

Yes its been going down hill a while, for lots of reasons. He wants to try Relate, I would try but not sure my heart is in it, so is it worth it.

Thanks Lemmingswife you seem to know where I'm coming from, thats exactly how I felt, like I am clinging onto me with a fine thread

I am sorry things are so bad for you right now. I am familiar of that feeling of getting to a point in your head where you think you have had enough & lose all insentive to fight anymore. I am going through a seperation with my husband atm, & feel I have exhausted myself trying to make things better over the years and I must now try & move on.
I don't know all the details of your relationship problems, but you sound very unhappy & I feel for you.

thanks. Is it normal then to feel like this? To not get over what real life must feel like or am I just fooling myself?

Sorry you are going through a break up, I can only imagine at this point how painful it must be

It is normal to feel very deflated after returning from a period of time where you have been yourself again, not someones wife, not someones mother, just YOU!
I remember coming home from my good w/e & suddenly reality hit me hard, & I thought "This is my real life"
I felt very, very depressed for the entire night.

What is it about your relationship itself that is making you unhappy?

the fact that I am just someone who cooks and cleans, nothing that I do in my career is as important as his, we have nothing in common, we hate each others friends, I hate living here and he doesnt want to move, he shows no affection.

Now he thinks that we can just change everything has started kissing and hugging me, but its just feels so odd

Oh dear, it sounds like you have a few issues that need to be worked on.
Do you both talk about the problems & try to do anything to resolve them?

we have done many times but things then just go back to how they were. Just feels a bit pointless I dont know if i can be bothered again. Did you try Relate?

No we didn't try Relate, & in our situation I don't think there would be much point tbh.
We have had so many talks & have been on the brink so many times in the past. My H always swore things would change, but things always slipped back & in my circs I feel now that they always will.

Do you think Relate may be an idea for you two?

he does but I'm not sure, like you we have been at that point so many times, and now he really wants to try and I just want to give up and get on with my life

How long have you been together?

Do you feel there is anything worth fighting for?

If you have LO's, I think you should try Relate. It may or may not work out but at least you will have tried this avenue.

Big question - was your relationship good in the past? If it was good before, it can be good again if you both want it to be. And after a bad time, it takes time for different (better) ways of doing things to become habit and feel good rather than just artificial...

You should also focus on how you can get "yourself" back - it's so important. But you can do that in a marriage as long as your DH is prepared to change.

It really is up to you.

LOL

Yes, I guess it won't hurt to try Relate, & at least you will know that you have tried everything possible to try & make things work.
My marriage problems were due to my husbands temper & control issues, so our circumstances were different. I did fight hard to try & change things, but finally accepted that things would not change long term & seperation was now the only answer. It is not at all easy though - infact it is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made & the seperation process itself is very tough.
Only you know whether your marriage is really worth fighting for at the end of the day. Whatever you decide, good luck.

thank you so much for your advice. I hope things get better for you too. Yes we do have 2 children, so we are working on it for them too. I suppose only time will tell, have managed to get an appointment next week so fingers crossed.

Thanks again lemmingswife

Well done for making the appointment! I hope all works out for you.

I agree that it would be a good idea to try and salvage it before you give up. Sometimes the grass can seem greener on the other side, and great weekends away with the girls is not how life is going to be all the time as a single parent. Life will still often be about the mundane cooking, cleaning and working, single or not. Did your DH look after the kids while you were away? That is a huge bonus that single mums don't alway get. Maybe you just need more times out with the girls as well as going to relate with DH.