Just wondered if anyone has a way of letting go of bad emotions

[bart]

Dh often says to me "dont let it worry you" or "dont think about it" when ever I get upset by somthing. His philosophy is very much that of getting on with the job in hand and not wasting time on either lost causes or people who bring you down. I get tied in knots by unkind words or deeds that come into my life or my childrens. I also store up emotions over long periods. Any ideas of how to stop doing this? DH cant explain how he does it, he says he just does it.

DH does this too, drives me mad.

Mt dp does this as well. I wish I could be so laid back. If you find out, let me know - I think it would benefit a few of us.

Some times it works, some times it doesn't but in case it helps here they go:

Think in the following while you are getting tied in knots about a problem, misunderstanding or ofense, the other person is happily sitting in front of the TV, sleeping or having a good time while you are wasting your time thinking about the thing.

The other thing is to think the problem is not really important and try to think about something else.

DH is good about forgeting bad incidents, but I believe is owed to men's nature rather than to his personality itself

I find writing a letter to the person about the upset that they have caused, BUT NOT SENDING IT, helps me! I rattle it off on the PC, then go over it and re-read it, changing it as the days go on. Eventually I read the letter and think that maybe I'm worrying about nothing! It does help me, as it's a way of off loading emotions and shouting at people without actually doing it!

I went to reiki healer
wow outpourings of years of anger and grief and hate and stuff..
Am now calmer, worry less about things I cannot control...
Could look into myself for it but felt it easier for someone else to pull it out of me...
I even breathe better now...

Oh Bart I do the same,& dh says the same. I am seeing a hypnotherapist to deal with really crazy stuff that has happened to me. Some tools she has given me are this:

Concentrate on breathing with your hands on chest for at least 6 times a day to help calm and relax(if u do this for 7-10 days it becomes a habit).

At night do the same to get yourself to sleep , imagine each part of your body is getting warm,relaxed and heavy, concentrate from feet up, when you get to the top of your head visulise a wonderful place you like , all the smells , things you see. To help whilst doing this think of a colour that embodies relaxation for you. If possible paint your bedroom the colour!!

I also have to come up with an imaginary shield of somekind , mine is like a white glowing light that forms in front of me to be a barrier against other peoples negative energy.

Kiwisbird I am very interested in Reiki, a little worried too though as have a small session of it soon in front of lots of other people!! I am bound to get all emotional.

Just also wnated to add bart , that those "tools " have helped me inmmensly the last few weeks. It takes a while to master them and you have to be keen on moving on from the same wyas of dealing with stuff like that to really change your reaction. let me know what you think.

Tar - will do.

I agree with your dh about not wasting time on people who bring you down. Over the last few years I've cut several "friends" out of my life who used to drain me emotionally, and I feel much better having done this. I'm now very picky about who I will allow into my heart - emotional vampires need not apply!

Writing is also one of the best therapies, as Beckif suggested - write a letter that will never get sent, or just rant on paper.

I think you have to have been born with a willy to be able to do this, bart!

Agree with Droile. It is something about men(actually quite sweet, but also very annoying) that they have to try to cheer their women up. An upset woman should always talk to another woman, who will make all the right noises (i.e. 'What a bitch' etc) without trying to make you feel better. A man is genetically programmed IMO to want to 'heal' your hurt.

Hmmm ... Chinchilla, I think there's a nice aspect of men saying 'don't worry' and a not so nice one. The nice part is that they genuinly don't want to see you worried, the not so nice is that they don't want you to have a problem to deal with that they also have to deal with. You see, I think men are deep down rather selfish. And as for thinking the niggly worries are purely a female thing I think that's not right either. Every person has a type of thing that gets to them. My dp niggles about things that I could v. easily say to him 'oh, don't worry about that' because it really wouldn't get to me. But then the things that worry me don't seem to be important to him at all.

Hi there

There is a great book that I read that really helps with this - well it helped me. Its called stop thinking and start living and it is like the earlier person wrote - if someone says somethign horrid to you, you give it much more power by thinking about it all the time - ie it takes 5 seconds to say, and then you give it hours of thought. you thinking about it doesn't take that horrid comment away, it gives it more and more meaning which is upsetting. he suggests that you have power over your own thougts, and says that you should spend your time and energy having fun, and thinking about things you enjoy. if you find you have time to worry - at night or whatever, then read, do something fun that distra\cts you etc and fill your time with fun things rather than analysing. I reckon he has a point, cos 30 years of analysing what others think etc hasn';t helped me particularly. sure, it makes you realise that that person isn't so nice after all, so in that case, move on and meet other people, or just don't take them very seriously. hope this helps - have a nice week.

I think this could build into a very long discussion: all women I know have this problem with brooding about things, and men (just because they are men) do not. If they do, they do a bloody good job of hiding it!

I could really have done with some of the wonderful advice below last week with a major problem, and because I gave it brain space it affected my breathing and made me very short tempered. I knew that the person who wronged us would be enjoying themselves and never give it a second thought, but my ds was involved and I just couldn't let it go and spiralled out of control.

A reiki healer sounds like a good idea, but maybe I need to take my own advice to stressed out friends and have a massage. (though I do worry the masseur will feel repulsed by my skin rash - there I go again...!)

Evita - maybe I was just using my dh and my dad as examples. Both of them want to try to solve my problems, rather than just listening to me letting off steam. In both cases (more so with dh) it is because they don't understand why I am upset, and think that it is easily solvable. It is not something that would upset them, so it does not 'need' talking about. Maybe there is an element of selfishness in that, but I think you are being a bit hard on men in your comments.

Plus, I don't remember saying that niggly worries were all experienced by women only. I merely said that an upset woman (e.g. Bart, who started the thread) should speak to another woman to let off steam, because they usually make the right noises.