I Love my dh but I'm a cow

[alicemama]

I don't really know how to explain all of this but I'm sitting here in tears and I need to get it all out. I don't know what to say or how to say but I know I need to.

I have the most wonderful dh anyone could wish for, He's kind, caring, loving and even helps with the housework.
When I was younger I made a real mess of things financially and had debts all over the place and even forgot who I owed what to.
Well a few week s ago I had a letter from b=debt collectors demanding £300 from an old debt.
I didn't have £300 as I'm a sahm and couldn't ask dh for it as he thought all debts had been sorted out agess ago.
I know that I should have gone to dh but I didn't.
Anyway it gets worse, I took dh's credit card and paid it off with that. Common sense should have told me that obviously dh would find out but I did it anyway.
Dh found out yesterday and went ballistic and he had every right to. We sat down and discussed it and he said he was angry and upset but that he forgives me and said its over now and to draw a line under it.
but obvioussly theres an atmosphere between us.
he's just rsamg me to see if I'm ok. how can he be so nice and understanding when I've been such a complete cow, part of me wants him to hate me...thats what I deserve

But to err is human and your dh is obviously a kind and evolved human being to understand that. Don't beat yourself up, I bet you would do the same for him

I'd do anything for him but I keep on messing things up, it's never him it's me....surely they'll come a point in time when he'll just go.
We never argue normally, never ever, so when something does happen it seems a million times worse

Maybe show him your post. The fact that you're so concerned about the situation means you are a caring person, which will be part of what your DH loves about you.

There will be many, many other reasons too, but sometimes they won't be obvious to you (esp. if you areon a downer)

Maybe list all your good points, keep it on the fridge

Well I've just written dh a letter trying to explain how I feel and that I uderstand how he is feeling.
altho he's said that everything is ok, it's not. There is such an atmosphere in the house and he doesn't want to be near me, which is to be expected I know.
I've found myself snapping at dd's cus I'm so stressed and upset by all of this. Hopefully the letter will be able to help sort things out. I know he needs a bit of time to forgive me but its really getting me down.

Oh alicemama, please stop beating yourself up over this, yes it was stupid not to tell your DH and my guess is he is more hurt that you felt you could not tell him then the fact it was £300, im sure he is not as angrey with you as you think he is .

How about putting the kids to bed early cooking his favorite meal and having another heart to heart.

He loves you, that's why he understands and forgives your mistakes.

No matter what happens it will be better if you talk to him, whatever goes on.

thing is i try to talk to him but I always end up getting upset and then dh will just say whatever he thinks i need to hear as he doesn't like seeing me upset.
i thought perhaps the letter would be able to put things across better

I don't mean explaining how you feel. I mean when you mess up, tell him. If i were in his shoes, I could forgive anything as long as I was told about it.

its a bit too late for that tho now

This time, yes. But so is beating yourself up over it all. It sounds like dh has the hump because you didn't tell him and used his credit card behind his back, but he's forgiven you.

Stop beating yourself up over it and stop apologising to dh, that will just wind him up. Time to move on.

thanks for your advice HD.

sometimes i forget how diff men look at things than women. I never thought of myself as particulary emotional but maybe I am.
Do you think I should give him the letter or carry on with daily life as normal?

If he's said that it's over now, giving him the letter will just bring it back up and that will probably piss him off. When I say "it's over and done" I really mean it, I then move on. Sounds like he's similar.

Don't go acting all apologetic all the time, either, just get on with life.

Thanks HD

Glad to help. It's nice to have something constructive to say, for a change.

well he's just rang from work to see if I'm ok and to check on how my mom is as she's having her gall bladder out today. He's a star.
I didn't make a fuss just said "I love you" before we hung up which is what we always do.

Might have to cook him his fav tea and pudding tonight

I don't think you can do anything else now, just make sure you never lie to him again and look after him lots. he sounds like a complete star

In fact, reading what happydaddy has said, maybe the best thing you can do - for him - is to come to him first if it ever happens again. And draw a line under it.

God, we are so from venus (as opposed to Mars....!)