Dear all, i've changed my name briefly as i want to keep this secret if possible, here's the back ground 1st....
My husband & I have had problems for the last few years but when we discovered i was pregnant 3 years ago it sort of put all our problems on hold. We got totally wrapped up in becoming parents and seemed to find ourselves again along the way....if that makes sense. Anyway the last year has seen us slowly revert back to our problematic ways of constant arguing. I've been desperately unhappy, I've tried talking to him, ignoring him, sleeping in guest room, i've even tried the wipe the slate clean approach & got up one morning and just became HAPPY, made the house prestinely clean, had dinner waiting etc etc became the perfect wife, he did notice that and it did help the situation briefly, but after 3 months of me indulging him in this manner and still getting nothing in return, still feeling completely alone, unloved and not really in a relationship, it felt like i was running a B&B and he was a guest there! I stopped all that too. we plodded on, some days ok but mostly a loveless state. Anyway somewhere along the way I fell pregnant again. We are both happy about it but the relationship is in such a bad way I really think it's come at such a awful time. We are arguing more & more which can't be good for our 1st child & certainly can't be good for the unborn one either. (We do try our upmost to not argue infront of our child but it has happened i think about twice.) I know hormones play a part in this low feeling but it was bad before the pregnancy too. Things have got even worse since the beginning of the new year...
Last month I became aware that my husband kept going 'on the computer' to 'play games' or 'check out a new sport website' he'd found. Or to do some financial stuff on a budgeting software we have. Curiousity got the better of me and while he was at work I had a little play about on the computer...you've guessed it I found an e-mail he had sent to a woman. It was nothing really just "sorry I had to log off so quickly yesterday, will speak again real soon xxxx".
I was a little shocked to find he had been corresponding to someone but, then so what, I've made new friends on the internet too (like you lot). I let it go, didn't say anything.
Anyway, periodically I've checked he's e-mail and they have got more & more regular, nothing sinster in there content as such but just chatty. This started to upset me as it really hurts that our relationship problems really amount to him not communicating to me, we never just talk and here he is chatting away to some other woman...I managed to trace her on the internet & read her personall details, She is from the uk up the country abit, single etc. Anyway still I said nothing but I did make a joke one night about internet chat rooms when we saw something on the tv, he's response was "well you go on there & talk to your MUMMY WEBSITE".
Anyway....these e-mails got more regular & they were always at certain times I was out shopping, at work, round friends etc. there were even ones where he pre-planned to communicate on particular evenings as he knew I would be out with my family visiting etc.
Anyway...today i found one a bit more in depth, nothing sordid just chatty but it did reveal in it's content that they have also been e-mailing each other at work, texting each others mobiles and the last bit revealed that "IT WAS LOVELY TO ACTUALLY SPEAK TO YOU FOR A CHANGE AND DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A VERY SEXY VOICE". (that's him writing to her)
I feel like SH**, I just don't know what to do. I feel like someone is standing on my chest & I can't breathe. I go from hurt, to anger at about 100mph.
I know it's not actually an affair, and I know I shouldn't have snooped about(maybe I should have thought about the concequences before I did, but well I didn't). Now I really don't know what to do....
Should I confront him...how do I explain I was snooping? Has he really done something that I sould be angry about...he's made a new friend, am I over reaccting? If I confront him, he'll probably do it more carefully and then I'll never know if it's still going on....
I REALLY REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!