Stepsister issues

[NewChoos]

Not really a step sister but we were brought up together.

She sometimes makes the most unkind comments.
i.e. when I am pregnant = how fat I am (said at 39 weeks, I had put on 2 stone).

I find her a bit bitter and negative and would probably have very little contact if I as not close to her sister (whom I consider a sister as she does me).

I generally try and tolerate her and limit contact.

Saw her last week and she commented on 'how foreign' my DD looks and that she's darker than my DS. My DC are mixed race (as is she, which makes it even more bizarre). For clarity, I have Indian heritage, DH is caucasian, DC look exactly the same!

I didn't say anything, as she would have just blown up and said I was being sensitive. But I don't think it's nice to comment on how dark they are or not, and I don't want the DC to think this is relevant (Not sure if I am explaining myself well).
I really don't know how to handle her.
There are other more minor issues nosiness/trying to crash in on me meeting with friends, I have now started to meet some friends in secret!

How can I nip this in the bud without looking hysterical?

Use the standard MN expressions :

"Did you mean to say that out loud?"
"Did you mean that to be so mean/bitchy/nasty/rude?

Oh and a good one 'Oh don't be so riduculous!" and laugh it off.

If all else fails, go for her and tell her to FTFO and not to be such a bitch...

LET her blow up if you have to! Your feelings are just as valid as hers!

Yes, you are right, I just can't stand the fall out when I stand up to her!

If she falls out just because you dare stand up for yourself, so what? It's OK for her to be unkind and hurt your feelings but it's not OK for you to do the same thing?...

She would say she is just giving her opinion/telling the truth and that I am over reacting.

I know….

You can waste a lot of a perfectly good life trying to stay the right side of touchy people with a chip on their shoulders. :) Some are so far gone they get offended if you say good morning 'in a funny way', IME. So I don't bother these days. Tell the truth, shame the devil, then walk away without a backward glance.

Yes, I have got to say something, I don't want DC to think colour is at all relevant. It's really silly as they really pale and sometimes I feel like saying "I am their mum!' in case anyone is in any doubt :)

That's a great saying btw.

She sounds a bit jealous?

I'd take the p out of her ('you need to start saying things in your head before you say them out loud') etc, it should shut her up or at least make her see you won't just ignore comments like that.

She may not realise she is saying stupid things either.