I just wanted to give a quick update to all those who held my hand and helped me through the bomb going off over 2 years ago when my biological Father admitted historic abuse to a boy at the boarding school he was at that time a monk at.
I posted originally as sickaboutdad and then later switched back to this, my normal mn name.
Last time I posted he had accepted a caution for the assault he admitted (only because he had been caught in the act at the time and it had been swept under the carpet) and been out on the sex offenders register for two years both here and in his current country of residence.
I had just concluded a short bout of counselling that had resulted in me writing him an email outlining the abuse I had suffered as a child at his hand, he had shared this letter as a round robin around family and his friends. I had told him the only acceptable firm of contact for me was email and he wasn't to try contacting my children.
I then had a nasty accident that had me wheelchair bound for months and I think it was around this time I last posted.
Things gave been fairly calm in comparison to the months after the bomb went off.
I finally ended up going completely non contact after he sent birthdays cards to my son and then myself. When I sent the no more email he replied straight away with a pile of rubbish. He also sent a Christmas card last year but has otherwise complied.
Just over a year ago I had a visit from social services as my uncle has again been paying for legal costs and he was attempting to get social services and the police to give him copies of all information and conversations that had happened in relation to him.
The very nice man from ss who came was their data controller who legally had to come and ask me if I was willing for him to have this info.
I told them that under no circumstance did I want him to have access, not because there was anything much that I hadn't said in the letter but because it was all about continuing to intimidate and control.
They where very pleased of my response as it was how they felt, the data controller said he would stand up in court to fight him having access if they pushed it that far but thankfully they didn't and nothing else has been tried since ss wrote to his legal team to tell them to get stuffed. I assume it's a different process with the populace as they never contacted me, just told them to get stuffed. Glad of that as the interview with police is the only thing that really frightens me to think of him knowing about. He still doesn't know police interviewed me and I told them about my early childhood with him.
My sister, less said the better. She continues the same way.
My brother, still difficult, he is still having contact, was only in public space but I was very disappointed and I admit worried when both my siblings took him up on the offer of a holiday this year. A caravan was booked for two weeks, my sister and hers for one week, my brother, sil and their kids for the other. He was not staying in the van but rather with my uncle in his home nearby. I still worry and I admit feel angry with bro and sil that the basically sold out their children's safety for a holiday (because they couldn't have afforded one otherwise). The timing was also telling, the holiday started the week after he came off the sex offenders register.
I know I need more counselling, I am still deeply effected, the flashbacks aren't as frequent or quite as 'sharp' as they where but I think that is due to me being able to 'put it all back in its box' more due to things not being full on like they where. This is a good and bad thing I guess. I'm still not dealing with the problems.
I have so much to worry about just now, dh was made redundant last may and is still looking for work, he us suffering from depression (unsurprising really) so while he does support me and really tries to listen when I need to talk I just can't put too much on him. I feel like the people who know about all this kind if expect me to be 'over it' more with things being quiet and me having gone non contact with the exception on my mum, but it's still very there (I guess why I am writing this) and I feel like I am lost without direction. There is no investigation to focus on, no contact to deal with. I have for my own sake had to accept that my siblings are baking choices that worry me but I can't do any more, they know how I feel. Thanks to him they know the contents of that very personal last email I sent him so I have accepted I can do no more.
I am just lost with things that won't go away.