Strip Clubs and Objectification

[Thingsthatmakeyougohmmmm]

Okay, I am posting this in relationships as I respect the advice and opinions from a number of posters on here, however I may move to feminism if people think it is more appropriate.

Anyway leading on from some other threads from posters who are understandably upset that their DH/DP had a lapdance in a strip club, there have been lots of discussion around the objectification of women. Putting aside personal relationship boundaries and the massive problems with people trafficking and other things within the sex industry, I want to ask a questions around the objectification discussion.

Now my exH (lovely guy, we split up under v amicable circumstances and not related to this incident) went on a stag do and had a private dance. I wasn't at all bothered (because I was bored of him and didn't care what he did, but that is another story), and as we were good friends we chatted about how his night went. Anyway he seemed more excited about the fact that he chatted to the stripper for ages and she told him all about how she was doing a degree and had just come back from 18 months travelling in Australia and NZ and was saving to go again (hence the job). He told me all about her (i.e. the travelling and stuff), and it was relevant as we were planning to take a year out to go to Australia. Anyway he said whilst they were talking she kept asking if he was ready to go upstairs (of course she did, she is on commission!). Anyway so after a bit he went and had a dance then came back and chatted a bit more. Apparently the club was dead and only there party was in there (so ratio of 5 men to about 20 women!).

So my question is, does that mean he objectified women? I completely understand the argument about it, but lets say his story is true. He clearly was really interested in her as a person and he didn't even tell me how big her boobs were. He did tell me her name though! We had a very open sort of relationship so he would have/could have said that she was really hot and she had the best tits ever if he wanted, he knew I wouldn't been upset.

Thoughts please???

It's an ego thing OP. Your ex wanted to empty his sacks, so to speak, but he also wanted to try see if he could get this call girl to be properly into him rather than do it just for the money. He sounds a bit naive tbh.

Yes he is/was very naïve. He did have fairly low self esteem, so perhaps. I guess I just want to think nicely of him and that perhaps not all men who use stripclubs are bad.

Bad, no. Pathetic, yes.

sounds like a healthy business transaction to me. The girl isn't forced to do it (she wants long holidays, finds this a good way to pay for them and good luck to her).

I very much doubt she found him of interest, but her job is to make him think that she did.

Most likely he didn't give 2 shits about her and was humanising her to YOU so you thought it wasn't so much about the lap dance.

I expect he loved chatting to her and feeling all special but then at the end after all his "work" he got his special treat. Bet his ego loved it.

She as a person didn't matter, she was a means to an end. He got his ego stroked and he got a show. Then he got to go home.

I knew a woman who lap danced to pay for uni fees in London (she was European and from a very poor background).

The more men they dance for the more money they make. The technique was to look at a guy from the podium as if they had noticed him in the crowd and found him attractive. They would then share personal info (usually bollocks) to make the guy feel like they had a special connection. By this method they would hook them in for a private dance. You should have heard what they said about the clients, they would let rip in the dressing room.

Lapdancing clubs are basically women dancing for men they despise, who in turn despise them. Grim environment.