probably just lost a friend

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I have a friend with a 1yo who has DS. Since he was born I've been over to hers a fair bit to do some cooking or cleaning for her or take her out to lunch, just generally make her life a little bit easier. She is keen to get back into her work a bit and earn some extra money (which they do need) and as I have some flexible time for a few weeks between our holiday and when our semester starts (I lecture FT), I offered to go and stay at hers for 2 nights a week for those weeks (she lives a good 1 1/2 hours away) and look after her ds (for free + no travelling expenses) for 2 days a week while she (as I thought) worked from home in her study. Anyway, she's just emailed me and said she's been and offered to work in her office for those 2 days. I was alright about looking after him if she was in the house - I assumed she would go into the study and close the door - but I really don't think I can do it if she's not there. She would come home during the day for feeds, but I would have to have my 15mo ds with me and I just don't feel up to the job of looking after her ds, whose needs are of course completely different, with no-one else in the house for 2 whole days a week while also having to run around after my ds. I would then be going home and fitting the rest of my work (most of which can be done at home outside of semester) into the remaining 5 days - I'm exhausted as it is and I just don't feel strong enough right now to have the sheer worry and responsibility of it - I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him. (I've never looked after him before - in fact never more than one child on my own). Anyway, I've emailed her and said all this. I don't know how she's going to react and I expect that's the end of our friendship now . Am I being silly? How would you feel/react if you were my friend?

I would have been made up that you had offered but would understand goalpost shad changed adn would think my baby my responsibility -

Was she offering any sort of favours in return? It sounds like a very uneven sort of friendship, tbh.

It's better to be honest now about how much help you can offer her.

Hopefully she'll understand the crossed-wires aspect of it. I don't think you're being unreasonable, given the amount of responsibility you'd be taking on, but obv it would have been better if you'd both been clear from the outset about what was being offered.

I think (hope) I'd understand that offering to look after a baby with his mother in the house, is very different from when she's outside of the house.

Even though technically it shouldn't make any difference (if she's working, you wouldn't disturb her anyway unless it's an emergency), psychologically it does

For the same reason I was happy to have an au-pair being the only child-care when I worked at home, but wouldn't have considered that option when I worked outside the home. It's just different and if she doesn't admit that, she's in denial.

Thanks everyone.

NQC - no real 'favours' in return. That said, she's not really in a position to atm as the care of her ds has been so intensive (he also has a digestive disorder and spent his first 3 months in hospital, needs loads of physiotherapy, is now about at the stage of a 5mo developmentally) and she also has a dd. Her dh is, tbh, not really much help to her.

Caligula - I think (as CM said) that for some reason we got our wires crossed and she thought I was OK with her working in the office. I think she also feels the need to get out of the house - perfectly understandably.

Hmmm, is she appreciative of you doing stuff for her? I'd like to hope, that in that sort of situation, I'd try to do something (knit something, bake something, whatever) to show my appreciation ...

I think she is NQC. We were at hers for ds's first birthday and she organised cake and candles and stuff (and actually said 'it's nice to do something for you for a change'). I think her whole situation is overwhelming her a bit (as it would most people) and she can't really see much beyond it atm or really have empathy for what's going on in my life.

I think that seeing as you've explained things to her, she could maybe try for the option of working from home and that would suit everyone. I wouldn't have thought it would be the end of your friendship (hopefully). Relationships should be able to withstand this kind of honesty.
If I were your friend I would be beyond grateful for the help and would want to accommodate your needs as well.

Oh, that sounds reassuring, fit, I'm sure that sort of situation is overwhelming.

Better you express your qualms now, than that she goes into work and it goes wrong in any way, surely? Hopefully she'll see that, too.

Thanks.
Have to wait and see what she says now - whether she can organise to work at home or not. From the type of work it is it would be an option, but not sure whether it would be for her particular company, especially as she's been on mat leave.
dh says if he was me he also wouldn't have offered if he'd realised she was planning to go into the office, and thinks her own situation is a bit too much for her to take account of others'.
Feel about this as I've probably messed things up for her, but feel better for not forcing myself to go through with it.