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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

any advise re daughter nc

31 replies

lookfowardtohearing · 22/02/2014 19:44

I have gone round in circles for the last 30 years with my 2n dd.
I have totally supported all her life,(long story), she is now 44.
every year or 2/3/4, she will argue with a family member,
paranoid of everything anyone says.
then refuse to talk to them,
for the last 2 years she has no contact with anyone, aunts, cousin and siblings.
least of all me her dm,
our last contact was a totally vile email the day her cat died,2 years ago, she seems to have a wobble when she has a personal problem
she refused to answer her phone to me when I attempted to simply ask her why?
it destroys my life each time ,as I fear that this time will be the last time I hear or see her again, I am now 68. .
she has done this on a regular basis to me, my dh, my ds and her ds.
she devastated her aunt, who also loved her.
we have to walk on eggshells around her when she kindly " makes contact" but know that it is only a fragile relationship.
she was the happiest child you could imagine, but as an adult she seems so full of hate.
12 years ago, she refused contact with her elder sister, saying she hated her husband,
*then today, out of the blue, she emailed her to say "sorry" and she would like to meet her again, just like that.
her sister is very forgiving, but I wonder "why" now.
she hasn't spoken to her brother in 6 years, but suddenly she wants to have " happy families"
she abused my husband verbally, quite unwarranted as he is a very quiet, sweet caring person, yet she seems to believe that she can behave how she chooses ,and everyone must accept her horrendous aggressive behaviour.
look forward to hearing any thoughts

OP posts:
rainbowsmiles · 23/02/2014 18:10

Well anti depressants don't always help with severe pms either. The specialists in the UK are leaning towards radical hysterectomy. There are hormonal injections before this which mimic a hysterectomy and bring normality for the first time since puberty to some.

It is awful. And there is such little understanding. Everyone has a mood swing before their period and so assume it's just that but it's not. It's a lot worse.

I really feel for you and your daughter. It is a living nightmare.

lookfowardtohearing · 23/02/2014 18:47

you know, reading these replies,
I am certainly beginning to wonder if severe pms could definitely be the cause of these desperate years.
despite going to the gp repeatedly in the mid 80's, only to receive ad's, maybe now dd is 45 years old perhaps her condition has been alleviated a little, which could explain her contact out of the blue with her sister?
I just don't know.
thank you all.

OP posts:
rainbowsmiles · 23/02/2014 19:25

Really hope so lookforward, things really have moved forward. There was a stage that prozac was prescribed for everyone. Also the pill they put everyone on is now believed to make things worse.

Have a good Google. If I have time later I'll dig out the website addresses of the specialists in the UK.

Your daughter will have been even more miserable than you. It is desperate. Sometimes the no contact is to protect loved ones from the horror of it all.

lookfowardtohearing · 25/02/2014 10:09

a heartfelt message replying to rainbowsmiles.

PMDD.
since your advice re possible pmdd , I have scoured the internet for information/forums, and have felt a shiver go down my back upon reading the long term suffering pmdd has cause to women lasting for decades, such as my dd.

all the symptoms are there, the anger, broken relationships, fatigue, depression, suicidal thoughts and so on.

I am positive that I am not " applying" my dd's symptoms to pmdd, as a way to explain her behaviour, to make it easier to understand.

on forums I have read so many sad stories of women in a similar situation, especially important when they say that it all began when they were 13 or 14, as with my dd.
she was transformed from a happy laughing much loved child into an angry, hateful, hostile person literally the very day she became 13.

so, now, the next step in this sadness, is where to go from here?
she refuses all contact with her whole family, then unexpectedly,3 days ago, totally out of the blue, has emailed her ds who lives abroad, after many years of nc.

at one point when she was in my life, she actually told me that if I didn't go nc with my other dd (the one she emailed), she would never talk to me again,.
( I explained as kindly -and as bravely- as I could, again the eggshells, that I would not go nc and she didn't mention it again.

so, this is the present day scenario.

elder dd ( 50yrs)has now received 4 sweet, giggly type emails from younger dd, (45yrs)writing as though their relationship has been sweet and loving with never a harsh word spoken and they are bosom buddies.
a very confusing time tbh.
any ideas anyone please?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2014 10:29

Since age 14, given that she's been in front of various medical professionals throughout, do you not think that if she had PMDD someone somewhere would have spotted it?

How your elder DD wants to relate to her sister is really her business. Work out your own boundaries and apply them.

livingzuid · 25/02/2014 11:03

This is such a sad story and Op I hope you find some closure one way or another. It's entirely possible for her to have not had this picked up on over the years. Too many chronic illnesses that are otherwise easy to treat can be missed completely or are misdiagnosed.

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