Pregnant sister abusive boyfriend

[Emz8369]

this isnt a dilemma I have but I can't stop thinking about it, my sister has just announced that she is pregnant to a guy that she has been with for less than 6 months, she has already introduced him to my nephew, the problem is this guy has kids from a previous relationship that he isn't allowed to see (they were took off him and the mother) social services were involved too.he has already hit her twice (that I have been told about) and he regularly just gets up and walks out on her (even in the middle of conversations and when people are there) he has also woke her up at 1 in the morning and had a massive go at her because of something she said in her sleep.I have talked to her and she has said that she doesn't know what she is going to do but then in the next sentence says she hasn't told her son yet.my main concern is that if she does keep the baby then there will be more stress added to the situation and he will hit her again and also that she wont be able to tell anyone who the dad is as there would be a possibility that social services could find out and then they would take both children off her.it seems that I am the only looking at the bigger picture at the moment and I just want to shake her and tell her that the best thing she could do for everyone in the situation is to have a termination and then get rid of the deadbeat boyfriend. what do I do?

I would rather seen my nephew adopted by capable people than seen him being abused by my sister's boyfriend who had his own children removed fro him.
Your sister is not a capable parent who can put the welfare of her on child first.

It takes a lot for social services to actually remove care.

I don't think you should be thinking of your sister here. She is an adult and has control over her own choices.

I also think you should call SS.

If she really would not protect current ds and new baby from him then she is also a risk to her children.

The children are vulnerable and have no choice in this. They need to be protected. If she will do that SS should support her and she won't lose them. If she won't, by not calling you risk their lives and their health in order to protect her poor choices and abusive relationship - which is more important?

Sorry, I'm sure that isn't what you want to hear and I'm not underestimating how hard it would be.

Agree with others who say if you call now while she is pg she will have some time/an opportunity to get her act together.

Even if she has a termination current ds is still at risk. I would call whatever happened and I would hope my sisters would have the strength to think of my children rather than me if it was me in her situation. Calling ss is absolutely the right thing to do IMO.

What's her explanation for the plan to lie about who the father is?

It what not only make things worse for her boyfriend it would also make it worse for my sister if they took her son away, she already knows what she has getting into thats why she knows that ss cant know who the dad is otherwise if she does keep the baby it will probably be taken away from her, they aren't living together

They wont take the children away just like that. She would have to be seen to be putting them at risk of abuse, or rather, not protecting them from potential abuse. If she had the baby and wasnt with the father, was making sure that any contact with the baby was supervised via a contact centre etc then there would be no reason for SS to remove the children. If she was with him however and refused to give up her relationship with him if they told that she must in order to keep her children then, and only then, would they remove the children.

She has a choice. And by involving SS they will support her in that choice. I have to say that if, at the end of all of this, she decided to keep seeing him regardless of what SS tell her, then she ISNT a capable mother and the children would be better off away from her.

Just to clarify, they wont take a child from a mother because that child has an abusive father who has had children removed in the past. They will only take the child if the mother is also abusive and/or allows the child to be at risk of abuse.

The fact that his other children were taken in care says to me that both him and the childrens mother were abusive.

I adore my daughter, but if she were to put my grandchild at risk I would be the first to phone social services. Children are helpless, adults aren't. It's the children who need to be protected in this situation

You need to phone SS to protect the children. They can't defend themselves. It's a safeguarding issue OP.

Just to reiterate:

It is not just about the baby, it is about your nephew. Whether she has a termination or not doesn't solve the problem because your nephew is still at risk.

He and the baby will not be taken into care unless your sister is seen as a risk to them.

She will be a risk to them if she opens the door to an abusive man have access to them.

We don't know whether this man is violent to children or sexually abusive but there is some reason he has been judged a danger to his own children.

She knows this, otherwise she wouldn't need to keep the relationship secret.

If she gives him access to your nephew, then she is not doing a mother's job of keeping her child safe.

If a mother is unable to do that job, then other people need to do it for her.

How would you feel if you found out afterwards that she had felt supported by you but that your dn had been abused during this time? Would that be a price worth paying for feeling you had been there for your sister?

Also re your nephew, he isn't this man's child, if he can abuse his own children to the extent they are removed from his care he is not going to have qualms about abusing a child that isn't his own.

What about the nephew's dad - could he live with him?

Please OP read and think about what people are saying here. Please.