Weddings.....

[Charlene1]

Have been watching "wedding planners" on Living and am completely fascinated by it all. I'm not married (but live in hope), and cannot believe the lengths people go to for weddings. one couple spent £10k on food and the total cost of wedding was £30k.
These planners get literally thousands for finding things like "handmade favours" and ridiculously priced flowers - you could get the same ones in Tesco probably . Wish I could work for a wedding planner!!!
I went to a family wedding where it came to £25k, another had glass carriages, banquet, choirs etc. Other people have choc fountains, sculptures, archery, themes etc. They were all great of course, but I cannot understand how people can spend that much on one day.
Just been reading another thread as well where people have got married for £20 and said they preferred that.
We could barely afford a register office and we could never compete with some of the ones we've seen - dp said one reason he won't marry me is because he wouldn't want people looking down their nose cos we wouldn't have things like that.

Do people who have weddings like this decide what to have themselves, or is it family/wedding planners that push them into it?

How do people decide what is important to have and what is just to impress people?

Anyway, just wondered, what other people would consider important to include eg if food was most important, or outlandish/novelty things, or how you look etc. and what people would have if if it was solely up to them to decide/money no object etc.
Ideally, I would like to get married/have reception in a cave or somewhere realy atmospheric rather than a luxury hotel - but I'd love to have a chocolate fountain, creche for kids and karaoke as the "wow" factors so it would be "fun" for the kids. Don't know if dp would agree to that though - he doesn't like caves!! A girl can dream though.

essentials for me are bride/groom/registrar and friends and family. Best wedding I ever went to was just that - all of us in casual comfy clothes then we headed off to a campsite by a lake and boated/played frisbee and stuff. We each took a picnic and the couple's Dad laid on a keg of beer and some wine etc. Stayed by the lake chatting late into the night, crashed in tents etc and then headed home next day. Perfect day, low angst and very "them".

A friend of mine has just had the full extravaganza and it worries me that she spent more time thinking about the wedding than the actual marriage. the wedding is just one day after all.

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i love the term bridezilla! I know my friend was one, I wasn't at the wedding due to emigrating (bridezilla freak out no 1), her dh didn't praise the dress enough in his speech (bridezilla freak 2) and she got upset because one of the family asked the band to play happy birthday for some other faily member (bride... you get the idea). Sadly I think she put so much stress on everything being perfect that she's actually spoilt the day for herself.

Friends of ours just got married - third time round for both (I think. Both vaguely hippy types. DH and were witnesses for the reg office thing the day before but the actual wedding was amazing. Pagan ceremony in a stone circle in the middle of Somerset countryside - views for miles all round. Bright sunshine, blue skies. Afterwards they had a reception in the garden of the farm - stilt-walker greeted all the guests, circus entertainers for the kids (and some of the adults ), an ice-cream van turned up with free ice-creams for everyone. Just lovely! There was a band in the evening but I had a cold and 3 tired kids so DH stayed and the rest of us went home.

That was an occasion for families and friends - everyone looked after and cared for. The couple were very very happy but realised that the people that loved them were as important as they were on the day.

Have to say that she didn't turn into Bridezilla at all. Good word that! I think I might have been a bit of one but I was only 27 then so I had some excuse...

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I go married at register office both times.. different register offices though.
Took both sets of parents and then went for a lovely meal after to our fave resturant. Cost about £1,000 inc clothes, rings, flowers etc and I have to say we had a lovely day. DH sister and SIL were all for us spending a small fortune but we stood our ground and did it our way. That said I love a big wedding.. so long as its not mine

i organised my wedding in an afternoon, then largely forgot about it until the day itself.
we went to a church i know in rome, the hotel was small so we were limited to 30 people in the courtyard for dinner, went on Ryanair and calculated that if guests booked quickly everyone would get a weekend in Rome with a room in our hotel for a discounted price and including taxis to and from airport it should cost less than £200.

much to our surprise (cos i thought it was a bit of an ask, schlepping all the way to Rome fgs) everyone we asked came and in fact most people stayed for longer when they saw how cheap the flights were (£1.99 + TAX from london). i think the bride and groom paid £40 each as we were flying from glasgow, very lush.

most guests arrived on the thursday or friday and the wedding was on saturday so most people had got to know each other before the big event, and we have some great photos of the entire wedding party eating ice cream on the SPanish Steps. (my only bridezilla moment, shouting 'move out of the way please, i am the bride' in italian and shooing tourists off the steps with my flowers. my italian pals were mortified but the jocks all took it in their stride...)

back to the hotel for a nice meal then up to the rooftop garden to watch a (bizarre and completely coincidental) paul mccartney concert being staged in the colosseum... bad hangovers the following morning but i believe everyone had a good time.

our honeymoon was very civilised, we spent the time meeting our friends for coffees and going to suitable touristic venues, and then back to the hotel for a lovely siesta with new hubby.

honestly, for us, it was perfect. my brother recently got married and did the whole extended family plus ceilidh thing and that was perfect for him and his wife.

so i think it's totally possible to have a wonderful wedding without any hassle. we just tusted the hotel to do their job and got on with having a good time.

trusted, not tusted...
and it's aitch71 by the way, must change it back.

Our wedding cost £2k for ceremony, wedding breakfast for 40, evening reception with disco etc for 100, wedding cake, ceremonial arch of flowers, champagne toast at wedding breakfast, services of wedding planner if we wanted, "favours" etc.
Parents paid for photographer, car, balloons, flowers, suit hire & my dress. (MIL paid approx £500, FIL approx £500, my parents approx £500). Dad made our 'proper' wedding cake and the one included in the wedding package was a "dessert" cake - 3 layers, 3 different chocolates.
We spent £150 on our rings.
We spent about £100 on bridesmaid, best man, fathers' & mothers gifts.
I paid £10 for my shoes, £10 on my 'going away' outfit

It was a brilliant day and I enjoyed every minute of it.

ikiboo - I think our was about that price or a bit more maybe and it was lovely. Some of it was home-made - mum grew most of the flowers and we did all the floral stuff in the church and at the reception (we = myself, mum and all the floral churchy ladies ).We paid a caterer but it was only a cold buffet. Didn't have a honeymoon. Mum made my dress. We had the reception in the Bishops Palace in Wells in Somerset and at the time it was quite cheap (compared to the cost of hiring it now ). Only one bridesmaid - we bought the fabric and the pattern and sent it out to South Africa where she lived, her mum had it made up). I think my shoes cost about £10 - can't remember. Everyone said it was one of the nicest wedding they'd been to. We enjoyed it anyway. Even if we'd wanted to spend more we couldn't have.

I actually wished we had used a wedding planner. We had a medium sized wedding (70 people) and had initially thought it would be a great idea to do everything ourselves. However, we were both working full time + weekends before the wedding (this was unplanned), and having to organise visiting flower shops, cake shops, the venue, sort out music, design, make and print the invites and look after an 18 month old was a bit too stressful. I think we did alot of reinventing the wheel, when a good wedding planner would have paid for themselves in terms of experience and trade savings. You don't have to be spending £30K to get a wedding planner - I think there are people who will help you out on a smaller budget. However, if you want a 'wow' factor that includes caves and chocolate fountains, you will either have to pay in time or money. For instance, how are you going to serve food in a cave? A picnic might work, but is this going to be done by caterers or you, and if you are going to do it when are you going to prepare the food and how are you going to prepare it? Where will the chocolate fountain go? It can be done, and doesn't have to cost a fortune, but it is hard work.