Help me with dh weight problem

[Cigarettesandsmirnoff]

I'm worried about his weight. He is nearly 20 stone. He is only 30.

He should be in the prime of his life but he has hip problems possibly arthritis due to they weight on them.

He was an amazing sports player in his early 20s but a sports Injury took him out the game for a few years and his weight shot up. While he was at the doctors about his hips the doctor told him his weight on his last visit and he was shocked at how much he had gained. The doctor told he he was obese and it hurt him.

He is now playing in local teams that are way below the standard or skill he has but his weight stops him from being active enough and he is often substituted. That hurts him too.

I went to go watch a match and the opposing team were calling him a 'fat cunt' and I got really upset and had too leave. He just said it was banter.

When he got home from the match I had a talk with him about trying to lose weight so he can play at the standard he is used to because he is so much better than that. I said I would diet with him too as I'd just had ds and was unhappy about my figure too. He is tall but his stomach sticks out like he is nine months pregnant.

I've talked to him about diabetics and strain on his heart but because he had a medical for his life insurance that give him a clean bill of health, he just laughs it off.

I worked hard to lose my baby weight, exercised but dh couldn't be arsed. He swears blind he eats like a bird at work and the food I could is healthy so he must be lying. His business partner has tried encouraging him to go to the gym with him but he doesn't keep it up.

He is such a handsome fella, a real beautiful face but the fact he dosnt care about his health and not even trying is really turning me off. He has noticed this and often says in bed that I don't fancy him anymore - which I always say I do.

I spoke to him this morning about maybe cutting wheat out as I noticed a dramatic difference when I did. He said ok. Then when his dad called in this morning, I was making FIL some toast and dh just walked past and took a piece. I might as well be talking Hebrew .

I'm at a loss what to do, I don't want to see my dh carry on turning in to an unhealthy man. I don't want him to have heart problem and myself and ds lose him, as heart problem are in his family. I want him to be able to run around with ds. Dh can't really do running at the moment.

I probably sound such a bitch. I've suggested, nagged, encouraged and cajoled . Don't know what else now.

Any suggestions? Please don't flame!

I'm in your exact position - except my DH is a lot heavier than yours.

One thing that someone said to me, which is something that is often said to the spouses of addicts is: You didn't cause this. You can't control this. You can't cure this.

It is an addiction - please believe me. You can shop and cook healthily and minimise snacky things in the house. You can lead by example. But it probably won't make much of a difference. It will, however, make you feel like you are doing all you can as I promise there isn't much more you can do.

It's very worrying and upsetting. Believe me, I know. I absolutely know how you feel - how you can love someone but see them picking up the toast and feel disgusted at them. How you can look ahead and worry about being left alone with your children. I really and truly get it and I'm so sorry.

I want my DH to have bariatric surgery, but I think he has to get to that decision on his own, as there are risks to any surgery and I cannot be responsible for pushing him into it in case something goes wrong.

Agree with (almost) everyone above: there is nothing you can do. If my DH had said something to me when I was v overweight - well, I already knew I was fat, I already felt unattractive and it would only have confirmed how I felt and it would have made me eat more to console myself. The trigger I eventually had was just a photo of (size 18) me sitting next to my (size 4) cousin. She is v skinny, but even so, the fact my legs were sooooooo vast compared to hers really shocked me.
My dad was a similar weight to your DH until last November. He's been this weight for 20 years and has always been a comfort eater. Even a GP who said to him that he should by rights be having a heart attack made him laugh because he had low blood pressure in spite of his weight. Then in the autumn he got gall stones due to high fat diet. That pain seemed to make him realise for the first time that he isn't invincible.
He has had many wives (!), but none has ever cured him of his food dependence - he had to realise and do it for himself.

Sorry to write this because I really understand how painful it is too watch and how hideous it is to feel helpless. All you can do is make sure your DC adopt a healthy approach to eating.