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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

husband on dating sites

22 replies

bluedays · 18/02/2014 08:17

Found out he'd joined a dating site in December. He said he'd done it for fun and never meant to take anything further. Like a fool I believed him. Find out today-he accidentally left screen on - that he has joined another dating site today.

Don't know what to do. He is not aware that I know (yet).

OP posts:

pinkfluffypoodleface · 18/02/2014 08:19

Does he have any sent or received messages on these sites, from women?

Are you both happy in your marriage?

Original poster

bluedays · 18/02/2014 08:25

I don't know if he has received or sent messages.

No, we are not happy-though this is NOT helping and it is hard to see how him doing this helps.

OP posts:

akawisey · 18/02/2014 08:27

Does it matter if he's sent or received messages? It would be a definite deal breaker for me.

pinkfluffypoodleface · 18/02/2014 08:30

Yes because the messages take the dating sites from just looking behaviour to active intent behaviour.

What do you want to do OP, do you want to try to keep your marriage going or do you want to leave, Put him aside & work out what's best for you.

Original poster

bluedays · 18/02/2014 08:45

He called me a 'fat blob' last night. I got upset and he backtracked saying that this was not his opinion of me but how I saw myself.

This morning, I find he has joined this site. I did a bit of digging and he joined them this morning.

OP posts:

whydidthishappen · 18/02/2014 08:48

He doesn't seem the sharpest tool in the shed then. What do you want to do?

Original poster

bluedays · 18/02/2014 08:51

I don't know.

OP posts:

whydidthishappen · 18/02/2014 08:52

Do you have any children?

Original poster

bluedays · 18/02/2014 09:01

No children.

OP posts:

whydidthishappen · 18/02/2014 09:07

It seems as if its curtains, to be honest. Seems like he's treating you like crap until you dump him (fat blob comment). If you want to make a stab at making it work - tell him. Be prepared to listen to him and make sure you are heard too. Couples therapy perhaps.

The other option is much easier. If it were me in your position (and this is strictly just what I'd do - not saying you should do this), I'd browse through the profiles he's looked and make sure he saw me doing this. I'd then turn around and say, "Oooh, she looks nice, why not her? No, maybe this one, she has a great job". Then point to a pre-packed bag.

Sortyourmakeupout · 18/02/2014 09:47

The only way to find out his intent is to join yourself and contact him.

I did this and I spoke to my other half for three days online and we arranged to meet. I actually made up three profiles and had to read hurtful things about myself.

I then loaded up my laptop one night went to his profile showed it to him and asked is this you, he said no!!!!

AnyFucker · 18/02/2014 09:50

Deal breaker for me

What is there to stay for

It seems like he is deliberately taunting you

Fuck that

FayeKorgasm · 18/02/2014 10:42

Either leave him or make him leave.

This person doesn't like you let alone love you. He sounds truly vile.

To be honest, I can't see any point in discussing the situation with someone like this. You will only feel worse as all they do is deflect and attack.

Best of luck.

FreakinAllAboutSugar · 18/02/2014 10:47

I agree with above posters. Make sure you get screenshots of his online profiles, including any messages, then kick him out.

RedFocus · 18/02/2014 10:53

Obviously he's looking around for someone better and I really hope you are not going to sit there and let him treat you like this.
The relationship is clearly over if he's looking for your replacement and he can't even be bothered to finish the relationship first which shows just how little he respects you.
Ask him to leave now, he hasn't left you any choice so why disappoint him.

ThinkFirst · 18/02/2014 11:00

A decent man in a commited relationship does not join a dating site for fun. To then call you a fat blob and join another dating site is dreadful.

He disrepects you and is looking to cheat. How many more sites has he joined that you don't know about?

You're not happy, he's treating you like crap and behaving like a single man, I'd kick him out and let him be one.

Jan45 · 18/02/2014 11:09

So he's trying to get someone else lined up before giving you the big heave ho.....you do it first now.

dhisawanker · 18/02/2014 11:24

My husband was on dating sites for years! Thanks to this site I found the strength to move on. I urge you to do the same.

Good news is that I am now dating a lovely man...and he is still on his own looking even more desperate. Not that Im being a bitch ;)

Tell him to leave and don't look back. My thread is around here somewhere from September 2013

Offred · 18/02/2014 11:28

You don't need this waste of space/skin/time/effort in your life. Dump him. You will feel better even if at the start you feel worse.

Twinklestein · 18/02/2014 13:05

I'd tell him to blob off.

BeyondDespair · 18/02/2014 21:45

I went through all of this with my ex. Same types of excuses. Are you able to see the messages from the women contacting him? Might be an eye opener if you could (and the history.) I would print them off if you can. And a copy of his profile.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 18/02/2014 22:09

I've had this in the past. Bin definitely.

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