is this the seven year itch?

[newnamefortoday]

just don't feel very close to dh - since ds arrived just over a year ago. don't particularly feel the need for physical closeness, and whilst i love him and want to be with him, i don't feel 'in love' as such.

and he sometimes comes out with things thta make me question what he thinks of me now. we were out with friends on saturday, and i'd been chatting about ds. and had been honest about what a terror he can be. dh said (in front of friends) "you sound like you don't want him". if we'd been on our own i would have sworn at him - couldn't believe he'd said it. haven't been able to get it out of my head since, and hardly spoke to him yesterday. i mean, fgs, does he not know me? i would change nothing about my son, who is the centre of my world - how could he think or say something like that?

Maybe he said it because you were in front of friends. He may not have said it at home. Dh never saw things with a baby in quite the same light as I did (I was with ds 24 hours a day) so we always had different views on what life with a small baby was like. He would probably have said something similar from a defensive stance - he may have felt that you were being unfair (in his opinion!) about your ds. I doubt he really meant it.
A year on from having a baby is still a relatively short time in a relationship. It took dh and I ages to adjust our relationship after having our ds.

thanks cupcakes. i think you're right. he isn't with ds as much as i am, and he doesn't see much of other babies of the same age - therefore he has no 'benchmark'. i know that ds has little patience, gets angry and frustrated, and cried more than other babies. it's a fact. it doesn't mean i love him any less, or that i want him to change, but it's a truth, and one which i (with a smile on my face) was happy to share with friends (they#'re expecting their first so it was funny to talk about the ups and downs).

it felt as though he was challenging my love for ds - which is unacceptable in my view. i know i'm a good mother and that ds couldn't wish for more love.

ps when did you feel that your 'new' relationship with your dh settled down and was steady again? we're 14 months in and i can't imagine ever feeling the passion and depth of feeling for dh as i used to. none left over from my feelings for ds...